I’m on the eliptical machine at the Y this morning (need to get a Disney water park body!) and I’m grooving along with my iPhone when suddenly a rather handsome man jumps on the machine beside me. He’s got a real interesting DryFit long sleeve shirt on (one arm is white while the rest is a deep navy blue, kind of Star Trekish) and has a rugby-footballer build, complete with scruff and goatee. He’s the kind of guy I’d play Hide The Penis<\/em> with… Okay, lets keep it clean, you get the idea.<\/p>\n

Before you comment, I’ll just say “I’m married. Not dead.” <\/p>\n

After a few surreptitious glances over at him the smell hits me. The smell of socks wrapped in cheese, deep fried in human fat with a coating of hair with a side salad of durian husks and cat urine dressing. As he works out harder, the smell gets stronger. <\/p>\n

I start to breathe through my mouth. God help me, I can now taste<\/em> it. I begin to wonder if he knows he smells so bad. I’m pretty sure that since he bought that vanity shirt for working out, he knows he looks good. Then I think maybe the stench is his protection from guys\/girls\/Michael Jackson (sans nose) hitting on him. It certainly was putting me off.<\/p>\n

I finished my workout and hit the showers. As I dressed I huffed a big drag on my gym bag to see if I was hypnotized by my own stink. Far as I can tell, I smell like Cheetos and lost youth. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’m on the eliptical machine at the Y this morning (need to get a Disney water park body!) and I’m grooving along with my iPhone when suddenly a rather handsome man jumps on the machine beside me. He’s got a real interesting DryFit long sleeve shirt on (one arm is white while the rest is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-Sz","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3383"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3383"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3383\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}