Wellesley and Yonge, 12:30pm. <\/em><\/p>\n

There is an attractive woman in front of me about 5 metres, walking towards the subway. Her hair is bouncing in time with her steps, the back of her short skirt resembling twin cantalopes in tight plastic wrap, stuck on a mini seesaw. She looks good.<\/p>\n

She passes a street troll, wild eyed, unshaven for months and stained. He sees her and throws her arms open and makes smoochie lips. Of course she gives him a wide berth.<\/p>\n

I pass the street troll and he makes eye contact with me. He wordlessly strikes a “put ’em up! put ’em up!” pose and with all the wiskers and wild hair, he reminds me of the Cowardly Lion.<\/p>\n

Where are my smoochies?!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Wellesley and Yonge, 12:30pm. There is an attractive woman in front of me about 5 metres, walking towards the subway. Her hair is bouncing in time with her steps, the back of her short skirt resembling twin cantalopes in tight plastic wrap, stuck on a mini seesaw. She looks good. She passes a street troll, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-hC","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1092"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}