Tag Archives: fit

Space Ace: All The Fun, Less Quarters

Dead Robot June 16, 2009 Gaming

I decided to drop money into iTunes last night in a fit of shop therapy (read: post-Disney depression) and discovered that Don Bluth’s Space Ace was available for download! Actually it came out in May but I’ve been avoiding money-draining endeavors.

Does my hair look ok to you?

For you younger readers, Space Ace is the second laserdisk game from Bluth Studios as follow up to Dragons Lair, but this time set in space! It’s the story of a dashing blond couple named Kimberly and Ace, unexplainedly menaced by a blue and leather clad, space overlord called Borf (oh Don! You scamp!) . It’s over the top cornball campy with it’s characters but it’s Ace’s “random” ability to flip back between a muscle bound hero to weed thin child due to exposure to The Infanto Ray, that makes it fun. The beginning of the game lets you choose the difficulty level and in turn, lets you see more of the game the harder you go. It was pretty innovative stuff.

Ace shows an uncanny ability...

...to change. Almost childlike, I'd say

The game play can get tedious (you watch the same video over and over, remembering which way to guide Ace to avoid obstacles to advance the story), and at $0.50 a pop when it came out, your cash would drain out of your pocket fast. The game also tries to mess you up by mirroring or flipping the video so that you don’t become complacent with Ace’s directions. A simple trick in a simpler game era. The animation was top notch and fast paced, often too fast to enjoy the artistry and fluidity Bluth put into his characters.

Ace learns the loud way that Kimberly is a bit of a princess...

I’m glad to report that there are “HEY! I FUCKING CLICKED THAT!” bugs in the game. These are either due to processor speeds of video on the iPhone or they were just there to begin with and were never cleaned out. Even the false “hints” in the way of onscreen flashes are present, resulting in no action on Ace’s part or his ultimate death, tug familiarly on my memory of originally being there, and subsequently aren’t that much of a frustration. Relax and enjoy the visuals!

Borf shows us that in space, no one can straighten your teeth.

I’m so caught up in nostalgia I don’t mind repeating it a few times.

$4.99 from the iTunes store. I give it 5 out of 5 for anyone who was old enough to play this originally in a smelly arcade. Anyone else will have been de-sensitized by high brow graphical games and won’t find this amusing at all (some user comments in the app are pretty funny!).

Countdown To Disney – Cat Sitting

Dead Robot May 29, 2009 Travel

I hand over the apartment keys to my 18 yr old niece. She looks like she’s going to explode with excitement – more excited than I, now that we’re less than a day away from leaving. We’re giving her full run of our place (and a couple of her friends) the two weekends we’re away. She’s going to rock out on Guitar Hero and use the Wii Fit to measure …things.

“I’m more excited about cooking for myself!” She says.

People, get the nerdiest person you know to babysit your cat/apartment. I say that in love: she’s the coolest nerd person under 30 I know and I trust her judgment implacably. Listening to her pre-university stories makes me young again. Plus the stories aren’t littered with drinking or drug paraphernalia, so it’s all good.

It took us about 20 minutes to explain to her how to turn on the TV. Da, who is also going to come in from time to time to groom the cat, didn’t bother to listen in. Too many buttons.

Best of Clist – Helpful!

Dead Robot February 11, 2009 General

Insert RAM jokes here

Naked computer repair / service call by hung man
I offer training sessions were I can teach you how to use certain things on your computer and online from downloading your entertainment to running social pages like MySpace and face book. I can give your computer a tune up so it runs fast again. I check your computer properly for viruses. I can also set up your new computer and transfer over some of the old information you want to keep from your previous system. Well I repair your system I do it in the nude or can dress to your taste. I am a well endowed man. This is a paid computer service call. I am not an escort. I have an average build I am mostly straight but comfortable with my body and I am willing to fix any ones computer in the nude. I travel to you and I can arrange evening appointments to fit your scedual. So why not treat yourself and get more out of your repair mail me for pics and any questions.

My own Korova Milk Bar Fixture

I Can Be Adjusted
Are you a white male that loves to watch TV and have a human footstool under your feet? If you are straight that is fine. If you do not want to have sex that is fine as well. I can be naked or wear clothes. Do you have a buddy and want to play cards together? I can lay on the ground and the both of you can put your feet on me. I will massage them and pamper them. Why rest them on the floor when you can rest them on a live carpet? If you are gay then even better. You can read a book while you ignore me under your feet or do work on your computer while I lay on the floor.
If you want you can watch porn & I will give you the best blow job ever. You do not need to suck me.

Holiday DMZ

Dead Robot December 28, 2008 General

Welcome to that zone between holiday events where a weird calm truce exists between the stress of Xmas and the drunken powder keg of New Years.

Since I’ve been unimpressed with my workplace with a layoff a week before the holidays and the arrival of a new gaming system at Casa RoboShark, (We’re “deadrobot” and “sharkboytoronto” respectively on the Sony network), I haven’t been in the mood to sit in front of a monitor for the last couple days. Judging by my RSS feed and various other outlets, not much of you netizens did either.

Sharkboy has been documenting most of Xmas this year. I recommend the “Switcheroo” post where, as usual, he proves that he is the utter master in gift giving surprises. I got punk’d and good. I’ve said before that I give bad gift. I can’t keep a surprise, I get the wrong thing, etc. Like all good overlords, SharkBoy preyed upon this weakness of mine and got me good.

Xmas dinner with Da, The Brother Playwright, Sharkboy and myself was perfect. We had Turkey-in-a-box that was delicious and more food than you could shake a stick at. Again, SharkBoy has pictures of our disastrous first attempt at a bear cake here. The rest of evening was punctuated with digesting and good deeds. On the way home we helped a slightly inebriated woman get to her home after she fell three times on the ice. Merry Xmas, titanium hip!

Speaking of gifts, I plugged in the Wii Fit we got for ourselves and the fucking thing tells me I’m obese. Back under the TV credenza it goes. Fuck you, fucking Wii Fuck Fit.

Boxing day we were up with the dawn for illegal boxing day sales (non-Canadians should know that it’s ironically illegal for a store to be open on Dec 26 unless in a designated “tourist area”, like… uh… a city) and the twinge in my back I felt starting all last week was growing to a rumbling pain, exasperated by quick slips on sidewalk ices. You know the graceful, one foot, Brian Orser style “WOOP” you do when you let your guard down as you walk one of Toronto’s many unshoveled or de-iced sidewalks. My back pain grew steadily. Regardless, we were in HMV/Futureshop/BestBuy well before 9am on Boxing day (weird side note: HMV at 830am was like a Bear411.com reunion. I saw so many live profiles it was weird…) and judging by the consumerist frenzy, there is NO economic strife. I’m convinced it’s a media manufactured myth: At BestBuy there was a man dragging a 42″ HDTV, PS3, armload of games and Home theatre set up to the cash.

At this point I would like to point out that Blu Ray movies on a 50″ TV is like angels coming down and spitting heavenly mana into your eyes. And I have not experienced a WOW moment with a home gaming system in a long time since Donkey Kong for the N64. Of course, I’m talking about Little Big Planet. Who isn’t?

Yesterday I spent the entire day in pain. At one point I couldnt get myself upright in bed. With tears running down my face, I managed to stand and move around a bit. SharkBoy tore himself away from the PS3 long enough to make dinner and help out but by bed, I was high on back pain meds and slept on my stomach all night. To my surprise, in the morning, I had very little pain. Knock wood it stays away today.

We’re going brave the rain (remember folks, it’s not global warming, there’s always a thaw just before the new year cold snap!) and go see a real movie before we go house-squirrely. Meanwhile, why not peruse some of my Xmas shots here?