Category Archives: Travel

Tacky Website? Must be Gay

Distractions, Hobbies, Travel

Why are all the gay campsites we looked into for Long Weekend so incredibly hideous?

Well it’s bitter time here at Dead Robot Industries! I’m going to review them and hopefully give you, dear readers, insight as to why gay campsite websites are uglier than drag queens left out in the rain. (SFW means Ok to open. MNSFW means “maybe not safe for work” – Stay out of the “Gallery” sections. NSFW means don’t open it at work, ok? Just don’t)

The Cedars (SFW)
What? A nice layout? A picture that doesn’t shy away from showing the camp area? Photos that are up to date and actually show people having fun? Google Earth map link? On every page? I’m in shock! Oh wait. The Event’s page is fucked – I knew it was too good to be true. Clicking on a date gets you nothing. Nice that they have a Forums and a Guestbook right out there for all to see – very Web 2.0.

It gets a 4 out of 5. No crap and no animated gifs makes me want to visit!

Campit Resorts (SFW)
Okay first off: Frameset: the “Blink” tag of page layout. The Gallery page link at the bottom of the home page frame is dead so click away all you like, however the Gallery link in the nav bar frame leads to images 3 years old. Take that as you will. Table on the right side with the border set to “2”. Classy! The map is in the “links” section and buried within the About page. Whatever that means. I would think that you’d want your guests to find you easy.

To it’s credit, the site is packed with lots and lots of info (I dare to say “dense”). Other than the riot of things going on, I’d have to say I feel comfortable scooting around this site, but the layout is brutal. I’ve been to Campit, and I can say that the website is like your crazy cousin you don’t talk about: nice to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live with it.

I give it 3.5 out of 5. Lose the frameset.

Rainbow Ridge (SFW but rainbowy)
I… ah… oh god… My eyes… I’m blind… I feel sick! Okay enough. You get it. Like an aluminum bat to the bridge of your nose, we’re treated to rainbows on black throughout with white centred text that dissapears as you read on into the flag colours. Ow. Non-tiling backgrounds. Classy!

The site is entirely in long form: nothing in point form to quickly identify what you’re looking for. The photo gallery is a little app that pops up microscopic pictures of other people’s tents, with barely any of the facilities. Hrmmm… And what would a gay campsite website be without it’s own section dedicated to “dancing” (which explains their rec hall – isn’t that a “facility” feature?). The reservations form looks like it was laid out by Robin Williams on a cocaine bender. The Events section proudly announces no new events, sealing my non-desire to spend the $5 to use their rec hall.

I give it 1 out of 5. It makes me want to visit only to see if they’ve painted the trees rainbow colours.

The Hillside (MNSFW)
Oh another black and rainbow motif. How clever. Okay people there’s a lot of stuff to get through here so lets… No… Wait. It’s crap, you know that just by the home page. I’ll save you the trouble and just jump right to the batshit crazy:

Houseboy Needed!
TO APPLY send an e-mail with the requested information & picture(s)…
A slim GWM between the heights of 5’4″ to 5’11” is a plus. This doesn’t mean men with other physical descriptions won’t be considered, however height and weight are important.

Include work and personal qualifications including age, height, weight and full physical description. A photo is a must.

…it’s faster to reply by clicking on the button below to send an e-mail that includes complete qualifications (note above) and photo(s) if possible.

THE MORE INFORMATION YOU CAN PROVIDE THE BETTER.

One word: Yikes.

But it gets more batshit as you go deeper: on the Camp Map and Security Section:

HILLSIDE CAMPGROUNDS DOES NOT INCLUDE A CAMP MAP ON ITS WEB SITE FOR SECURITY REASONS. HILLSIDE’S OWNER DOESN’T WISH TO SHARE SUCH INFORMATION WITH SOMEONE WHO IS NOT AT CAMP. ANYONE WHO VISITS HILLSIDE CAN SEE A HAND-DRAWN MAP IN THE REGISTRATION OFFICE. HILLSIDE IS A VERY LARGE CAMP WITH MORE THAN THREE MILES OF ROADS WITHIN ITS GATES. WE INVITE YOU TO VISIT HILLSIDE TO LEARN MORE ABOUT THE CAMP’S LAYOUT.

Uh. Okay. If I want to visit, I guess I just use a psychic tuned to batshit crazy? Where the fuck is the logic in that? What the hell happened that the owner doesn’t want to divulge to new clients where to spend their money?

0 out of 5. As inviting as going to a creepy, sweaty co-worker’s halloween party by yourself.

FFN, meet BIA. BIA, Meet FFN

Queer stuff, Toronto, Travel

It must be an election year. Bush partially lifts the HIV ban to the US yesterday (as pointed out to me by Kingston Andy, the guy who married me off). Good news for HIV+ people travelling to the US. Now they’re pretty much level with people who regularly travel to the US and get nervous around power-mad TSA agents.

From Andy:

…the history of this is that it was a Democrat controlled Congress that introduced the restriction in 1987 and signed into law by Ronald Reagan, and it is again a Democratic controlled congress that sponsored the new bill signed into law by Bush. There was an expectation Bush might veto this line in the overall bill, but he didnt.

Of course, back in 1987, alot of straight people including law makers were under the impression you could get HIV by sitting on a toilet or kissing

So it looks like the FFN people can take an indefinite leave. Or maybe make nice with the Church Street BIA and stop this egotistical pissing match that countermands the Pride view of unity and maybe create a street festival that would rival Folsom’s. Just a thought.

Regardless of my bitchiness, this is good news!

Memories, Glad and Sad

Distractions, Travel

Speaking of Disney, just over a year ago, SharkBoy and I were enjoying DisneyWorld. It was my first visit there, with the heart-stopping surprise of coincidentally booking on Star Wars Weekend.

I’ve said it before and will continually say it: After seeing a Jawa roaming the crowd, SharkBoy surprised me with the best moment a non-geek could bestow upon a sci-fi geek: SharkBoy yelled “Chibookii!” instead of “Uchini!” to get that Jawa’s attention and I couldn’t possibly love him more.

I, of course, correctly called out and got no response.

I’m reminded of it by this video that came through my WordPress feed. Half-heartedly watch up until 3.10 when the real fun starts. Yes, I died a bit inside when I saw it. But lets face it, nothing will erase the damage the Xmas special did to this franchise.

Vacation, Last Installment (Pt #5)

Travel

Los Angeles Pictures Here

Los Angeles:
The Hollywood Celebrity Hotel was great to look at with it’s art deco themes and was central to West Hollywood (right behind Grauman’s Chinese Theatre) but a bit noisy (the first night we didn’t know our damned window was open beside a patio that was being used at 3am), but it was the largest room we had on the trip. I think it was converted from studio apartments because of the grand walk-in closet to the bathroom and utterly useless “kitchenette” with no room to swing a cat. Still, a great place.

While in LA we walked everywhere. I know that song mentioned by Evil Panda a few posts back – it played like an endless loop in my head while we hiked everywhere (8 days later and the blood blisters are now clearing, thanks). We walked from Grauman’s Chinese Theatre to the Eagle at night, which, at the time, freaked me out a bit. Okay a lot. On our way the neighbourhood went from trendy pocket theatre district to dirty automotive warehouses within a block. Our trek has us pass all manner of dazed humans (mostly dazed to see two white guys walking at night). I began to wonder what the hell we were thinking and started to assess people (read: freak out a bit as a white guy) as we got closer to them. All the while looking for taxis we might unsuccessfully flag down. It took us about an hour to get to the bar and my dogs were barkin’. The next night we did the sensible thing and drove. But we did manage to meet our first Celebrity – “The Prince” (“Of Bel Air?” I wanted to ask). A natural male model and celebrity, with some blue blood in him, cousin to Tom Cruise, who doesn’t answer to any voices in his head or the Media, greeted us while we drank at the Eagle. My trip was complete!

Universal Studios was a bit of a disappointment. I’ve commented before that the “mood” at the Universal Studios in Florida was “bitter” and I’ve decided that the California version is “outright mean”. The studio tour was shorter than usual – no Wisteria Lane, some attractions hopelessly outdated (The Fast and The Furious: Tokyo Drift? Who saw that movie?) and sadly they’re not repairing any damage to weather worn sets (which actually looks good on the Psycho house…) I did get to see some Star Trek Original Series sets which made me happy. About the park itself, I estimate there was a 1 ride for every 10 gift shops yet there were two major rides out of commission which made the place feel like a mall instead of an amusement park. The Spongebob Character actually said “Yeah ok!” to his minder, in stark contrast to the Goofy incident (mentioned prior). The staff made surly comments about their riders and looked tired and bored. Don’t get me started on the Mummy Ride. It reminded me of my loss of virginity: dark, disappointingly sick-making and over in seconds. Unless they get a Shindler’s List ride I doubt that I’ll go back to any Universal park.

The next day, after nearly winning tickets to Wicked (the Pantages theatre holds a draw two hours before the show for the front row at $25/seat – we both won but it was a single seat only), being morbid chaps, we tried to book the Dearly Departed Tour (see where River Phoenix gave his last gasp!) but could not get in touch with the tour guide and wound up on a regular “Tour of the Star’s Homes” with an ex-actor (in LA? Impossible!) who had us laughing the entire time. His ability to drive and throw in off-the-cuff comments about people we passed was sublime. We didn’t get his name unfortunately. SharkBoy managed to pee in the same hotel that was used in Pretty Woman before nearly getting ejected by hotel security. We slummed Rodeo Drive. We saw where Brad Pitt worked in a chicken costume long before he was an actor with a 6 pack. We didn’t see any stars but we did get pelted with hail half way through the tour. Worth it!

Would I go back to Vegas? Not alone, not more than 48 hours. Palm Springs? To relax and rehab and use as a base to drive around in the desert, indefatigably YES. Los Angeles? Without a car? No. With a car? Sure! I loved the energy even though it was laid out like a crappy suburb from Anytown, Ontario.

Did I have fun? Absolutely!

Vacation, Run Out of Relevant Lyrics (#4)

Travel

Disney Pics here.

Anaheim/Disney:
The drive into the valley was barely without incident (I got us lost on one turn – No Amazing Race for me!) and we were at the hotel, unpacked and scooted over to Disney before it opened!

We entered the gate and damned if we didn’t get in exactly when a train pulled into the station, just like my first time in Florida. But stepping onto main street, I was surprised at the smaller size compared to DisneyWorld. Our first ride was The Enchanted Tiki Room (I now love all things Tiki and totem) and the rest of the day went fast. We thought we’d be forever waiting in lines due to Spring Break but we did the park within 13 hours with an average wait for rides around 10-15 minutes. I think we did 99% of all the rides at least once. We even got SharkBoy into an animation class! His Pooh looked a bit squished but very good first try!

We decided to call it a day after the fireworks. The California Tinkerbell-on-a-wire was much more active and animated than Florida’s (she flew around behind the castle) but her harness and wire apparatus was more visible. Back to the hotel and out like a light.

The next day our first ride at California Adventures was the Monsters Inc ride with a personal message at the end of the ride: The whiskey and cigarette voiced dispatch character, Roz, singled us out by yelling “Hey, you two, third row in the back… Are you guys twins?” It made my day. Then I cold-cocked Goofy right in the mouth. Actually in my excitement I rammed my head into his plastic mouth by accident and instantly he went into a whole “ow!” pantomime. The Character Host was instantly beside Goofy, whisper something into his mouth. Goofy responded silently by a small thumbs up. Professional!

We did all the rides (except the spin-on-swings rides in the fairground) and wandered forever through the park. I got a bit barfy after the Mali-Boomer, the one that shoots you straight up and down a couple times. A few moments sitting in A Bugs Life and I was right as rain. Back to the hotel for a sweater and we came back for the Electrical Parade.

I was a bit disappointed with Disneyland only because after experiencing the size and expanse of Disneyworld, it was hard to feel the same grandeur. Also some of the rides at The Land looked like they needed a bit of a brush and polish (see gopher animatronic). But, I never stare a gift Disney in the mouth. I did have fun! Especially when you get behind three Japanese Harajuku girls who love screaming on the log ride.

Our weather threatened to give out as we scanned the news for our arrival into our last destination, West Hollywood…

Vacation, had to get away (Pt #3)

Travel

Palm Springs pics here.

Palm Springs:
I found PS to be very… old, despite knowing that many gay pornos have been filmed there. At least I’ve heard that many have been filmed there… Actually that’s probably why they’re filmed there – lots of venture capital.

Palm Springs use to be the star’s decompression chamber from L.A. Bob Hope, Lucille Ball and Sinatra had houses there, raising the property values greatly and creating some of the best 50’s desert modern architecture (even the slummy part of town was clean). But the average age seemed to be well over 55. The bars weren’t filled with the “best” looking specimens, but to be fair, we were there Monday/Tuesday – slow days. The city seem to close up after 6pm, except for the $25/entree restaurants. I could see how our friend, the Mailman, who has the hots for older bear daddies, was in heaven when ever he visited. Our last night there we met a great couple in the hot tub at our resort and chatted for a couple hours.

We did very little in PS. Sort of like we were decompressing from Vegas. And getting ready for the worrisome drive into Anaheim. I’ve heard stories of gun battles on the freeways of L.A.

Vacation, How Do I Get Away (Pt #2)

Personal Bits, Travel

Desert Drive pictures here

Desert Drive:
Driving in the desert is life changing. The more I think about it, the more I want to go back.

We crossed over the Nevada/California border and gassed up at some bizarre station that had a connecting monorail (another mysterious monorail!) to casinos on either side of the highway. One Casino had a rollercoaster wrapped around it. Last chance for family fun! Breakfast was a bit Mormon-y in a Bob Evans style buffet. Weird shaped sausages and patties intermixed with “shit on a shingle” fixin’s! Mmm more grease, please!

We cross over the threshold of the Mojave National Preserve, just off the mountain pass, and enter the desert. Joshua trees are everywhere and I’m surprised at how green it was until SharkBoy reminded me that it was “spring” here. At our first stop, an outcropping of rocks and buckshot riddled signs, we got out of the car to get our picture and like a hammer to my ears, the silence hits me. Nothing. No wind, no birds, no Vegas carnies. Silence.

We drove on with the top down while playing various popular opera arias. I didn’t speak much because I was in awe of the view.

Then, miles from any village or highway intersection, we came upon a tall tree full of shoes. It reminded me of shoes on power lines but some of these shoes had messages on them – mostly “I wuz here!” and such but a couple mentioned their loves, fears, etc. There were even scuba flippers way up in the upper branches. SharkBoy was upset that he didn’t have any spare shoes to leave behind. It was probably the most surreal moment in the entire trip (except for most of West Hollywood).

We stopped about a mile from a crater but the road leading to it was dirt and we didn’t want to risk the suspension. This is where SharkBoy claims to have seen the largest, reddest spider in the history of mankind. I didn’t, but I did see webs which made me get back into the car. Faster than usual.

In a village called Joshua Tree, we found the only gay couple within miles who owned the local pottery shop. How is that possible?

After SharkBoy got a “Military Cut” in 29Palms – a military town full of Koreans (…?) we drive up a pass, down the other side, we pass row upon row of windmills to enter Palm Springs…

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted Part #1

Personal Bits, Travel

Vegas Pictures Here

Luxor ExteriorLas Vegas: Sin City! The first thing we encounter is a surly pissed off white guy driving our cab at 1000 miles per hour to the Luxor. Ah the Luxor – the hotel that would make Evil Panda weep openly in it’s cavernous lobby in front of the loose interpretation of Egyptian hieroglyphics. Upon arrival we discover:

  1. it is Day One of Spring Break. Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, has a drink in their hand.
  2. Women in Vegas wear less than your average dish cloth. And these are the partiers, not the showgirls.
  3. Carrot Top is headlining our hotel. Yikes!

Hoover Dam statuteI don’t know what to think of Vegas. Not being much of a gambler or a drinker, it was like watching a RA-absent frat party from behind a one way mirror, teeter close to a riot. Empty drink glasses from all the hotels littered the streets. Anyone who talked to us was only interested in getting money from us. Ironically we only spent about $50 total between us both on gambling yet we managed to burn through nearly half our budget in the two and a half days in Vegas with very little to show for it. I loved the glitz and showiness of the city (It was a graphic designer’s retro-dream seeing all the fonts of the old neon signs) but the gaudy tackiness wore thin after a while. Especially after the “free show” outside Treasure Island resort. Trust me. Do. Not. See. It. Total waste of time. Example “joke” they blasted out onto the public street:

Male pirate: Ahoy! Ahoy! Ahoy!!!

Female pirate: Who you callin’ a ho?

Yeah. They went there.

Do go on the Hoover Dam tour with Ami – who claimed to be a Howard Hughes hand-picked international flight attendant who knew the mayor. Not sure how accurate the information she gave us (like how much Sharon Stone paid for her house, if that was Sharon’s, or Ami’s description of meeting some of the billionaires who took over Vegas, who she had little love for) but she certainly was a character. We’re still quoting her wild estimates of unavailable/unobtainable home prices to this date.

The Number 3 Bus Through Brixton

Personal Bits, Travel

This holiday Monday, I was standing in the middle of my living room, wearing nothing but my underwear, knifing zombies (as one does), and I heard very faintly, the sing-song voice of that one TTC driver as he rounded the corner at Parliament and Carlton, waft through my open windows.

“Neeext stop Gerrarrarrarrd!” he sang.

I’m sure you’ve all had this driver. Sometimes he sings stops along the Queen line, his heavy Slavic accent mangling street names like Ivana Trump while drunk on champagne.

Anyway, I realized two things: I could hear this driver from my second floor open window over the sound of a streetcar making a 90 degree turn. He’s loud but I never realized he was that loud. Then again, if you’ve heard him once, you will never forget his razorblades-on-glass voice, ever.

Secondly, I was in my underwear. I wondered if people could see me from the street? I doubt it, since I’ve tried looking in from across the street a few times, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling vulnerable.

I was then reminded of my old flat in London, UK. Brixton, actually. My brother and his lover at the time had purchased a flat on the second floor of a corner house (sort of near here) It was a cozy place. One of the first shortcomings of the flat I discovered on the second morning living there was that when you ironed your shirt in the front room (the only room large enough to accommodate an ironing board) you were exactly level with the top deck of the number 3 bus through Brixton Hill.

Yes. I was in my underwear as the bus slowly turned pass our living room window, giving the passengers a view of good old Canadian gitch. I could have run and shut the blinds, but it was a bit too late for that. I had no other option so I waved my iron and smiled at the lovely commuters to the city. What? I was suppose to cover my shame with the iron? I think not.

New York City Boy

Celebs and Media, Hobbies, Travel

NYC PSBWe’re planning a trip to New York on the Labour Day long weekend with the Photogs (and possibly others?). SharkBoy’s main goal is to see A Chorus Line (hence the R2 dance vid a couple posts back). Photog #2 wants to hit the main kosher camera shops (but they’ll be closed on Saturday, he suspects). Photog #1 and I seem to be coming along for the ride. I’d like to see a couple museums and maybe look for Wii games/accessories. We may do a bar or two in there too… who can say?

I was there back in the late 80s for 2 nights. My boyfriend at the time had to go through Canadian immigrations (you have to have an interview outside Canada to get into Canada) and we did it on the extreme cheap, staying at a University residence in NJ. We did a few shops and took in an off-off Broadway production and some mild sightseeing, so it wasn’t all bureaucracy and paperwork. It was when I got shoved aside by The Italian Stallion himself, Sylvester Stallone, while he was going through a deli we had stopped in so the BF could use the loo.

So… what’s good to do in NYC for a long weekend?