Category Archives: Toronto

This wacky city I live in.

Perils of Laundry

Toronto

I’m waiting for the last 20 seconds on the dryer I’m using at my local laundromat. It finishes and I start to stuff my clean clothes into my duffle bag. I don’t wait or fold at any laundromat, I’d rather do it at home, wrinkled, in front of the TV and away from the “local fauna” that also use this laundromat.

Halfway through stuffing, I notice a yellowy pair of underwear. “Ew, SharkBoy, those are ugly!” I think to myself. Then I think “I’ve never actually seen him wear yellow underwear…”

I’m stuffing someone else’s laundry into my bag.

Repulsed and embarrassed, I start back-digging into my bag, praying to the mystical sky god that the actual owner doesn’t come back and see me rummaging round his personals.

When I get home I notice two pairs of “trendy” and incredibly small pairs of underwear that is neither of ours. I quickly run back to the laundromat, again praying to the magical sky puppet master that the owner was still not there.

I swear to you, if you had seen a guy run into the laundromat and leave two pairs of underwear in an occupied dryer, you might have said something. Thankfully our city is becoming more apathetic.

Doors Open 2008

Distractions, Toronto

Full gallery here at my Picasa Web Album.

This was my first Doors Open event. For those of you across the pond, or not from our city, once a year a great number of otherwise closed Toronto facilities open their doors to the public for a weekend. Spaces that you may never get to see in your lifetime are open to you. For example, the mayor’s office was open (under heavy guard) for you to peek into his cabinets of mementos and reading materials (zzzz). Or you could see the outlandish but uber-trendy Drake Hotel’s custom boutique hotel room’s custom wallpaper (and not have to endure a sleazy trendy one night stand). I thought it was going to be a bit dull but I found all of it extremely interesting.

Some select shots:


The York Armories.


Me with a musket that takes a full 30 some odd seconds to load (if you’re quick)


Us with Steamy! from the Steamwhistle Brewing Company (owners of the old Roundhouse)


Malabar Costumes Wear-house (geddit?). Racks of pantaloons!


Posing at the Drake


A bar just behind the city council chamber. Ten Forward has nothing like this!

And for fun, a preview of the ROTC routine this year:

Empty Bowl 2008

Personal Bits, Toronto

Has it been a year since our last Empty Bowl? Same amazing bowls, amazing soups, nearly over-crowded room, but this year no oppressive heat. Delish! Same drill: buy a ticket, get an artisan made bowl and access to 20 fancy falootin’ restaurant’s soups…proceeds to Anishnawbe Health Toronto.

Unfortunately Da could not eat anything but still went and supported the staff and had a nice chin wag with the other volunteers at the Gardiner Ceramics Museum.

Enjoy some pics:


Da, not eating, but still with his free bowl.


Get there early or the old ladies will knee you in the shins to get at the bowls first.


Hot Chef Bear from Jamie Oliver’s Restaurant


Da and his friend Keith share a moment.


Hold my bowl!


Seconds after I was told that there were no pictures allowed in the lineup for bowls. Apparently aboriginal sex fetishes have copyrights.


The bearded Bear Chef had intense greyblue eyes and spat out the words “Lobster….Bisque!”


Line up. Wait. Eat. Repeat.

Overheard

Overheard, Toronto

Yonge and Wellesley, 4pm. Just outside the doors of Seduction, a rather large sex shop. A family (mom, pop, kid and larvae in a stroller) are standing at the threshold…

Kid: This place is AWESOME!
Dad: It has three floors!
Mom: I don’t know…
Dad: Come on. Just a quick look.

Bug And Bug Eyed

Toronto

Walking back from my lunchtime Starbucks visit, I saw one of those living advertisement cube vans with glass sides. Inside were about 8 people sitting in chairs while one person stood at the front of the cube with a microphone. They were all wearing X-Files Alien style masks, a veritable tour group of Grays. The side of the van was blazoned with the cellular phone company “Solo”. Have you seen this? Was I going insane?

I tried to get a picture but I managed to get a bug down my undershirt. I didn’t notice until I was sitting at my desk that there was a crawly beast on me until I tried to relate the thing I just saw to a co-worker. Suddenly I was clawing at my clothes to get this bug out.

Don’t say I never tell you interesting things.

The Cake is a Lie

Distractions, Hobbies, Toronto

Torontoist has a great article about a Weighted Companion Cube showing up on Bloor & Euclid as it pops through from Yonge and Bloor (even with peek-a-boo visual clues where the other half of the cube is located)

AWESOME!

Weighted Companion CubeThis was a triumph
I’m making a note here
HUGE SUCCESS
It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction
Aperture Science

we do what we must because we can
for the good of all of us except for the ones who are dead
but there’s no sense crying over every mistake
you just keep on trying until you run out of cake
and the science gets done and you make a neat gun
for the people who are still alive

I’m not even angry
I’m being so sincere right now
even though you broke my heart and killed me
and torn into pieces
and threw every piece into a fire
as they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line
and we’re out of beta, we’re releasing on time
so I’m glad I got burned
Think of all the things we learned for the people that are still alive

go ahead and leave me
I think I prefer to stay inside
maybe you’ll find someone else to help you
maybe black mesa
that was a joke, haha, fat chance
anyway this cake is great, it’s so delicious and moist
look at me still talking, when there’s science to do
when I look out there it makes me glad I’m not you
I’ve experiments to run, there is research to be done
on the people who are still alive

and believe me I am still alive
I’m doing science and I’m still alive
I feel FANTASTIC and I’m still alive
While you are dying I’ll be still alive
and when you’re dead I’ll be still alive
STILL ALIVE, still alive

Scotiabank Theatres, Rattily

Hobbies, Toronto

klingon vs enterpriseWhat has become of the Scotiabank Theatres lately? Since they’ve taken over the old “Paramount” theatre, it’s now become the Second Scuzziest theatre downtown (first is the Cumberland 4 where you can get electrocuted by space heaters in the isles). It use to be an “experience” to go to movies there, and I mean that in a good, non-sarcastic way. Now when I go, I steel myself for all sorts of theatre mishaps that can happen.

The big video cube precariously balancing over the corner of John and Richmond has been on the fritz since the hand-over and can barely show the 3 story tall trailers it once broadcasted, not to mention being garishly covered in the eye-bleedingly sharp Scotia red. Lately at least one escalator is off or broken. The theatre use to boast about the incline of the trip up to the lobby but with the “down” escalator constantly in repair, the descent is dizzying. Although energy-consuming, the fancy show lights that project designs in the stairwells and floor haven’t been running, making amature DJs weep as they pass by hundreds of dollars worth of unused lighting equipment. The concession staff are not the most well trained in customer service, which comes as no surprise since they’re now programmed to welcome you to a Scotiabankpropertyandenjoytheshownextplease – it’s not a friggin’ bank! Let the minimum wage staff have some fun! Meanwhile the general manners of movie-goers that frequent the Scotia has dropped to sub-Neanderthal levels. Ironically the last movie I went to there without chatting or cell phone interruptions was Cloverfield. And using the upstairs washroom has become a hazard.

What of the poor Enterprise/Klingon Bird of Prey? They haven’t been dusted in months!

With the bright and shiny AMC* opening at Dundas Square (Digital picture! Free butter flavouring! Better rewards program! Free refills on regular sized snacks! Cheaper Snacks! Comfy seats! Legroom! Better Sound!) I officially put the Scotiabank Theatres on Death Watch.

Or at least I’m not going there for a while…

* A friend of mine tells me that during the AMC’s free movie preview weekend, a verbal fight broke out between rival student factions during The Mist. While all manner of plebeian schleps come out of the woodwork when you mention “free”, I’m convinced (read: hoping) that this kind of behaviour will evaporate.

My New L.A. Attitude

Toronto

I’m travelling through the human sewers (the Subway) and it’s not entirely busy – the kind of half-busy where there are seats available but nobody wants to scoot inbetween people.

Despite this expanse of space, a woman decided that invading my personal space by standing excruciatingly close to me was the best place to be.

We’re talking close for no reason. Her back grazing my belly at every lurch. The part in her hair (thankfully clean scalp) just inches from my eyes.

This was just 24 hrs from coming back from a nice restful vacation. She was definitely killing my calm buzz.

So I rested my book on her head.

She turned and looked at me like I just materialized from nowhere. And moved.

I love my new LA Attitude!