Category Archives: Personal Bits

Just things from my personal life

When the Student Becomes The Master

Personal Bits, Toronto

Hi! I have a blog you know. Wait before your eyes glaze over I just want to tell you it’s all about nothing and everything that matters to me. Really!

I’ve never really assigned a theme or a niche for this blog. Even the tag line I use sometimes, “the space between Gay and Straight, Stupid and Smart” reeks of ambiguity. For over 5 years I’ve been online confessing, sharing, OVER-sharing and observing for you people. Do I get media recognition? Fuck no. Links, sure but no real celebrity traffic.

SharkBoy.ca gets 14 days of excellent blog content and what happens? His stats are nearly triple mine. He’s been approached by media outlets for interviews and syndication.

Syndi-fucking-cation.

Best I got was a drunken street hollar: “Hey you’re that fucking goof Dead Robot?”

I digress. SharkBoy has turned all of them down (“WHAT!?”) to stay low, under the radar. He’s riding high on Blogebrity and is turning his back on it like Greta Garbo.

As far as blog success, this only goes to show you that when you specialize your blog, people come flocking for as long as you can keep that golden content mana flowing. Like Twittering about what you ate for lunch, nobody is going to spend their time reading the detritus of your life in long winded posts. No, you have to give them something shocking, something new, or something in a clear tone that keeps them coming back. It helps SharkBoy that every day there is some dick who needs to get into his face to express their offset opinions and supplies him with fresh blog content.

Syndi-fucking-cation people. Not that I’m bitter.

Seriously I’m really proud of his output in the last couple weeks. His voice is fun and angry at the same time, like a Quebecois Lewis Black on some incredulous rant. It’s one of the reasons why I married him.

So starting next week, DeadRobot.com is going to only post funny toenail drawing cartoons.

toes

Dinner Guests

Celebs and Media, Personal Bits, Toronto
Rev Big Daddy Bear and Fermat

Rev Big Daddy Bear and Fermat

There was something I was suppose to do today…

I woke to the news that SharkBoy will be taking a few forced days off in the form of a civil servant strike. Know that the media really isn’t displaying the union’s demands in full light (it’s easier to just say “it’s about benefits” and move onto displaying the public’s indignation) and that while we both don’t support the strike 100% (who does?) I can understand why they’re defensive towards these “sick days”.

Was I suppose to call someone?

I went to the gym and on the walk there I noticed evidence that the unions had gone ahead and covered up the garbage cans with cling wrap. Oh that will work! My my my! Considering how garbage was piled chest height in public parks during the last time, this deterrent will certainly keep people from dumping their trash. No, the cling wrap won’t be torn open and heaped higher than the Will.I.Am/Perez drama. Ba-zing!

Was I suppose to send someone something?

After, we sped through laundry and got our asses down to City Hall so that SharkBoy could register for picket line duty. Strikers were offered locations to walk the line, as it were. We questioned where Cherry and Commissioner Streets were and thankfully he didn’t choose that location because that’s where the most “action” is going on – yelling, arguing, car-bumping of strike line walkers. No, he chose to walk in front of the building he loves the most in the city: City Hall itself. It was funny to see on the news that at 8am this morning, the strike walk circle was as wide as an Olympic-sized swimming pool and by the time we got there, the circle had tightened up to something the size of the crazy-man prisoner circle from Midnight Express. SharkBoy has his iPhone and sunblock all ready for tomorrow – 4 shifts of 4 hours for a minuscule fraction of his wages. Here comes rent!

I should check my emails…

When we got back from a leisurely walk from City Hall, we sat down to dinner and finished up The Mist on the PVR. Something was nagging me though. Something electronic… I checked my email and found a note from the visiting fermat and his husband, Rev Big Daddy Bear. We were suppose to have dinner… CRAP!!

Aren’t I the gracious host! They tell me they’re coming to town and I suggest dinner – then forget like an Alzheimer’s patient off his meds. I’ve been promising myself to make new friends this year and things like this just blew my new years resolution out of the water. I call and tried not to sound 1 inch tall and make arrangements for a fast dinner and ice cream.

gifts

Gifts from Afar

We eventually met up and had dinner. I have to say that it’s an utter shame that these two don’t live in town, I could see the four of us hanging out a lot more. “fermat” is from the east coast and brings a unassuming warmth and friendliness that was fun to experience. Example: he’s been a long time reader (he quoted a blog post from last year) and brought me a gift bag of robots and a shark for SharkBoy. His husband was just as nice and interesting and had the sexiest laugh lines around his eyes. You could tell he smiled a lot.  It was over way too fast. My fault for forgetting the original meeting time. I’m sorry guys!

I hope that we can meet up again and if we ever get out there, consider us on your doorstep!

<a href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/deadrobot/3650010067/” title=”Rapt Irony by deadrobot, on Flickr”><img src=”http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3414/3650010067_aa537345d3_o.jpg” width=”600″ height=”800″ alt=”Rapt Irony” /></a>

Pride Father’s Day

Personal Bits, Queer stuff, Toronto

As a salute to Pride Week starting up and Father’s Day this weekend, I’m digging up my speech to nominate my father to be the Grand Marshal for Pride 2007 for all you new readers. Long time readers can snort and say “slow news day” if you like.

As you know the room was stacked in Michelle DuBarry’s favour and votes cast for her resembled an Iranian landslide. It was a bit disheartening to find out it was a popularity vote and not a decision by committee. I think if my dad did drag he might have had a chance.

Educating Rita

Personal Bits, Queer stuff

My mom just emailed my gay brother, The Professor, and myself:

“What/Who are fats and fems???”

I responded with:

“In personal ads in newspapers and online, less sensitive people would ask that “no fats or fems” respond to their article. “Fats” are persons with weight issues, “fems” are the more flamboyant type of homosexual. It’s a sexist/body fascist remark that really defines the user’s intelligence.

In our family, I’m the fat, Dan is the fem.”

My asthmatic brother replied:

“I’m the phlegm!”

My less than busty sister replied:

“I’m the flat.”

Countdown To Disney – Fat No More

Personal Bits, Travel

I’m pleased to say that I hit my target weight of 211lbs a full 22 hours before my deadline this morning, even after cheating with a pizza for dinner. Why “211”? Why not a nice fingers and toes base ten “210lbs”? It has to do with the Wii Fit and it’s anal desire to keep you focused on BMI and not your weight. I couldn’t get it to squeeze out that extra pound when I set up my last goal on it because it would not be ‘realistic’ to lose that much BMI in such a short time. Or so my Wii Fit says. And I trust it.

I love you Wii Fit. Please, never leave me.

Strange thing is, after losing 36lbs since March, I don’t think I look different. Expect blog posts about finger banging my uvula in a little while as I try to come to terms with a dysmorphic body image.

Happy Birthday SharkBoy

Personal Bits

You’re so young I think you’ll remember this album:

I got us a band for your party:

After we can cool down with some state of the art video games (4 screens!)

Then we’ll snuggle up at night in bed and watch your favorite movie:

I love you so much and I’m looking forward to a great vacation soon!

My Blood Sugars Are Way Cooler Than Yours

Personal Bits

My last doctor appointment revealed that if I didn’t get the weight down, I’d be taking metamorphin or melaminemorphine or Metformin to block the sugars in my blood. Before I go any further, I’ll just say that was nearly 30lbs ago and I’m doing fine, according to my diligent monitoring. However, I’ve been using the old glucose monitor I got from the Woman’s College a few years back. A week ago, I ran out of test strips – the little plastic blood drinking strips that suck up blood into the vampyric monitor. No problem! I’ll just go to my pharmacist and order some – which come 100 in a box. At nearly $1/per strip. Holy what the foosh mother fooshing what?

After some choppy communication, I got it covered by my insurance electronically, via my doctor and some faxes back and forth. After the paperwork, my pharmacist brings over a huge bag with not only the test strips I need, but a huge, ugly, “new” monitor – basically the old one with more colours on the faceplate.

“Uhm. If I have to get a new monitor, can I get that one?” (Warning: loud Flash site, but you need to experience it to be cool). It’s a smooth, pebble like black puck with only three buttons and a huge backlit display. Apple design sensibility trickles down into the field of healthcare. Actually it’s more like a Sony MP3 player but you get the picture: it’s so sexy you want to pour baby oil all over it and do things to it.

“Oh that one?” my pharmacist says, “Yeah, it’s kinda cool, eh?”

SharkBoy perks up. “Why the hell do you need to have the coolest gadgets all the time?”

“Dude, if I have to do this shit daily, I’m going to fucking rock it!”