Please. Don’t Dance, Normlr.
Category Archives: Improv/Comedy
Subjective
Last night, in my stand up comedy writing class, I invoked the name of Buck Angel. Nobody knew who he was and I bet some of you don’t either. He’s a female-to-male transsexual porn star who has had his/her breasts removed, but his (?) vagina still remains. (Google him. I’m writing at work and he’s NSFW)
I described him like this:
Hand at forehead.
“He looks like a biker: muscular, shaved head, goatee, hairy chest. So biker, biker biker…”
I move my hand down my torso.
“Biker biker biker…”
My hand gets to my pelvis.
(high voice) “… Cooter…”
Hand at mid thigh.
“…biker biker biker.”
It got a laugh. But the teacher thought the word “cooter” was too Southern Baptist and may not read on an audience. What I find funny is that she’s a woman who finds the word “cunt” funny but not “cooter”. Comedy can be so subjective.
When I first heard “cooter” I took the word in an tussled it’s spunky hair like an errant nephew. I was in love. I started to use it whenever I could:
“Lord. That lasagna looks like a cooter!”
Or even made it my own gender:
“When I sit, I have a pain in my man-cooter.”
To the point of nonsense:
“Hey see that Gas station over there? I think we need to fill up and cooter the windscreen!”
I’m going to keep it in the bit. I can only try, right?
Grab Bag!
No, not another post about the showers at the Y.
I’m actually going back to the Y in the morning again. I think I’ve waited long enough for the New Year’s Resolution rush to pass. There was virtually nobody there this morning.
Last Thursday I had my first class at Bad Dog’s Writing for Stand Up with Dawn Whitwell. I liked it, so far: it’s like improv but sitting down. We were asked to relate two stories (one verbal, one written in a stream of consciousness style) to the class and both of them were about me crying like a baby in public. Awkward? Check! Funny? Only the bit about my brother’s gay 70’s moustache and his career as a Gay Russian History professor got the biggest laughs. I learned that you don’t fucking make jokes about people with RLS, it’s NOT FUCKING FUNNY. This week we’ll be dissecting a comic’s delivery. There are two people in my class I recognize from Video On Trial and other Much Music shows. I’m star stuck!
I’m loving Flickr. I love being able to flash up a photo and have groups of strangers view stuff I find funny, weird or beautiful. I know… 5 years too late for this trend. But I’m grooving on it, none the less. I’ve joined a few groups like “Gays and their iPhones”, “12 Months, Your Very Best” and “Sexy Men of Sci Fi”.
Speaking of which, I got a shot of the new restaurant opening steps away from my house called Chew Chew! It has a big train mural on the side of the building, duh! I’m not to warm to the colours they used for the walls, but the place looks clean and brushed metal new so I’m hopeful. I think they’ll be open by tomorrow!
Still off Facebook/Twitter/IM apps. Leave me alone! No, better yet. You come to me!
Da is still ok. He’s eating again, but not anything like glass or nitro. He meets with the surgeon tomorrow to see if he can bump up the operation. Hi Dalton!
The Vegas/Palm Springs/LA trip looms closer. So far, I’ve lost $1000+ dollars on my iPhone Blackjack game. Very telling. I guess I should stick to the nickel machines.
I’m incensed that I wasn’t chosen for Test the Nation – Bloggers. Actually I’m really glad they won. Though I probably would have brought their average up with my 50 out of 60 questions right, but never mind. I’ll just continue to blog over here about nothing at all. Which makes me wonder what the hell I’ve been doing with this site for the last 5 years.
No Shirts No Service No Funny!
Poor A&F. They got Improv Everywhere-ed and didn’t think that over 100 shirtless men in their store was funny. Ironic considering their ads.
Happy Endings’ Tuespalooza
Last night, during a skit where I was a Leprechaun teacher, my accent went from bad Irish to ridiculous Italian. I don’t know why.
In another scene, I tried to pick up a guy in a washroom who had auditioned for a George Michael lookalike video the scene before.
For the briefest of moments, Rain was a robot in the garden of Eden.
Martha O’Neil, our guest comedian, made jokes about bears. Yes, gay male bear porn jokes from a soccer mom comedian.
We got to hear a love song based on Bugs Bunny vs Wile E Coyote from cute Ray Boulay.
See what you missed? Next show is Tues, December 11. 8pm, $7 to get in.
What Are You Doing Tuesday?
Our improv troupe reinvents its self and moves from a bar to an actual Theyatur! We’re now known as “The Happy Endings” (trust me, this was the best name out of the hundreds of suggestions) and we’ve got a second-Tuesday-of-the-month show at The Bad Dog Theatre. Mostly improv, some stand up, some music. Carol Burnett wept!
Waiter Rant
Yes, via the blog of the same name comes this dead on amazing rant:
Monkey’s Last Summer Show
This Sunday, the Happy Monkeys will be performing their last show before summer break (back by September).
The first half of the show will be short mayhem with games (Party Quirks, Scene Three Ways, etc) and something new for the last half called Montage: a collection of small scenes all based on 2 suggestions from the audience. At rehearsal we had “time” and “shoes” which resulted in Valley Girls attacked by pulp fiction time travellers as well as various other rifts on that concept!
So take your Dad to our show! It will be showalicious and dad will be appreciativalicious.
Victory Cafe, Sunday June 17th, 8pm PWYC
Improv Update
Hey kids! Bored on a Friday Night? I’m guest appearing with The Wrecking Crew at Timothys’ Comedy on the Danforth night. See me shout funny things over angry hissing cappucchino machines!
Bored Sunday?
Victory Cafe. Sunday at 8pm. PWYC.