I wish I could put “feel” up on the web. This shirt is one of the softest cotton shirts I own.

To be honest I didn’t break in or buy this shirt. It was given to me by an ex-boyfriend of my father’s best friend who died a couple years back. I do miss his energy. I think of him every time I wear one of his shirts (I got about 10 of them!) and I like to think some of his gregarious energy washes off onto me. If ever I get scared of the future or my career or any stupid things like that, I think of him and how he survived a botched jewel theft, heart surgery and multiple career shifts and think that if he could do it so effortlessly, I can too. He really was an inspiration and a model of success due to hard work and determination.

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Plaid for those causal dinners…

A few months ago I got a call from an agent with a concern for an ad I had just created and sent out over the email database. It was an ad displaying our tours to the Middle East – I used an image of the Hassan II Mosque in Casablanca, largest mosque in Morocco, third largest in the world:

“You used a mosque in your ad…”

“Yes,” I say.

“I think some agents might take offense using a religious building in an ad.”

I sigh a little, die a little inside and say thank you, I will take that into consideration. Click goes the phone.

Today a manager wanted me to create a press release for a new hire with expressed desire to use a picture of the new guy on an elephant during his trip to Africa. Thing is, the elephant was in a state of full rigidity. That is to say, the pachyderm had a 5th leg. The new guy, oblivious to the arousal of his ride, is smiling like it’s Disney World.

“I can’t use this picture!” I say to the manager.

“Why? Everyone knows elephants have penises!” She was 90% serious. I think. “Come on! Elephants don’t have a fly and pants to zip up into. People should be use to that stuff.” Nope. She was 100% serious.

“They have trunks,” I offer. Ba-dam damp.*

So to recap usable marketing materials: The world’s third largest mosque = not acceptable, a honking large elephant cock = Sure thing!

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*I cropped the picture to show only the new guy and the big smiling head of the elephant.

I guess this is the closest I’ll get to a floral print. I mean it is floral, but it’s not goofy loud. I like this print a lot. It’s graphically gay.

Today in a 4 hour long meeting, as three managers battled over the necessity of whether or not two web form elements needed to be “mandatory” or not, I didn’t get frustrated or angry at all. No. Not one iota. Instead I went to my happy place: I thought about the second day on the ship where I plan to just wander, take goofy pictures and eat stuff that doesn’t move. I thought about the Friday night before the trip where I repack this mess (yes, I will have to figure out where that helmet is going) as SharkBoy and I put on a concert DVD of our choice. The concert DVD is pretty much a welcome tradition now that I look forward to. I think this time will be Pet Shop Boys in South America. But things can change…

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Intimate friends will know that for two “sessions” running I used this same shirt for my passport, drivers license and Health Card identification photo. The first year it happened, it was an utter fluke – I just happened to wear it on the various days I updated my IDs. The second ’round I made a point of wearing it for each new ID shoot.

Unfortunately the rules changed and since then they only use chin to top of head cropping so not much is showing in new photos. The shirt, however is one of my faves since it’s achieved this level of soft worn comfort that takes years to get to. C’est la vie

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You knew this was inevitable.

Like Chekhov says (the playwright, not the navigator) “If you mention a cruise of fatty loud obnoxious people, then it stands to reason there will be loud obnoxious shirts.”

I’m paraphrasing.

Here’s my first one: actually it’s Roots so don’t go all “Oh lordy Dead Robot! Where in hell did you find that shirt!?”

I never understood why vacation shirts have such a bad rap. Or why they’re “cliche” if they’re a bit flashy. Personally I would love to dress like this all the time but thankfully I married into good taste. He allows me to wear this only on vacation – I like it because it looks like pj tops.

And by the way, PJ tops or bottoms out in public is as stupid as having your jeans as low as your mid thigh. This old man has spoken.

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Ooo The days are flying by, aren’t they? We’re 10 business days away from vacation! Woot! 1.5 weekends to go! Two laundry sessions!

As a very special episode of WITS? I’m giving you, my dear followers, a five-fer: Five shots of the caps I’m bringing! Clicking them makes them explode big in your eyes!

[singlepic id=211 w=320 h=240 float=none] Hair of the Dog Pub. One of my long time fave. No real memories, just like the faux-Brit drinking (and hirsute womanly) implications.

[singlepic id=212 w=320 h=240 float=none] Toy Machine! With the Chuck Jones-esque logo! Lookit me mange tout le Half Pipe, dudes!

[singlepic id=213 w=320 h=240 float=none] My Survivor Cap. Nothing says subjugated Caribbean island poverty like a big TV show coming in and feeding the natives!

[singlepic id=214 w=320 h=240 float=none] Apple. Just because I want people to think (of me) different.

[singlepic id=215 w=320 h=240 float=none] I … uhm… It’s a moose. I’m being chased by paparazzi… and I… SHUT UP!

Another pair of shorts.

I’ve looked at all the shorts I’m bringing and I don’t know why this has happened but most of them have holes in the front pockets. Looks like I’ll be sewing this weekend. I guess I rub my thighs a lot when I walk or something.

I think I’m going to video myself walking to see how I walk. I wonder if I walk like “a gay” or if I walk like I’ve got a rod far up my butt…

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We are now 2/3rds through our little journey my friends. 15 days before our trip. Can I complete this venture without busting past my weight or suitcase limits? Can I? Huh?!?

My second pair of swimtrunks. Roots. SharkBoy *strongly* suggested I buy them, and I didn’t protest much (the skimpy square cuts that I use to wear to the campground will NOT be coming with – I don’t want to be compared to a beached whale or a German tourist).

That being said, I’ve always felt that men’s swim trunks are utterly sexist compared to bikini-wear women are subjugated to… uh… wear. Men’s, in comparison are generally long in the leg, baggy and utterly sexless and I say “whatup wit dat?” (I do… just like that). I have no clue how this came about (other than rampant self loathing within the male fashion industry?) and I hope the trend reverses to something more Australian.

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These are my shorts I’ll be wearing to the gym/running track on the ship. I think I could have included these with Day Twenty Two – with the running shirt. I’ve had these shorts for at least 15 years and I don’t know if I could stomach throwing them out. I got them from Rob – the gymnast I use to hang with when I was 40 lbs lighter and working at a gym. Meh. I could have added them but I have a feeling I may crap out of stuff to post before we leave! I’m all about content here at Dead Robot Heavy Industries.

Speaking of content, did you notice the new Dead Robot Shirt, over there to your right? Buy lots. I need to have some pocket money for the Blackjack tables. Originally it was a design for Evil Panda but I’ve modified it slightly for my own use.

Speaking of reusing… We just watched HBO’s Spartacus – Blood in the Sand and while yes, it was a rip off of Gladiator and 300, it wasn’t that bad. Bla bla bla soft core blood and booby porn, sure. But I have to admit I do like the art direction of it. The writing is atrocious too, but all is forgiven when the blood sprays.

Speaking of running: I haven’t seen anything new out on the streets lately when I go running in the morning – except this morning I saw an Xmas tree. Seriously. Jan 27th and someone is throwing out their tree. What their floors must look like, all covered in sap and needles… tsk.

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