Category Archives: Distractions

Why Hasn’t Anyone…

Distractions

…made fun of Kevin Smith and that coat he wears? He’s getting quite large under there.

…told Apple that the whole Newton thing is dead. Should stay dead.

…seen that the possibility of a cross over episode between Battlestar Galactica and The Bionic Woman is inevitable? The Galactica will find Earth, but sadly, humanity will be full of home grown Cylons. Who look hot!

…made a video game of this? Perfect for the Wii.

…told this dick that talking without having the facts isn’t the best thing to do. Yes. He is a leader of a nation. Chew on that for a bit. I have to applaud the university for letting him speak, letting us watch as he ate his own foot and then watching him scuttle back home.

…told me about this Flickr photo pool?

Natural Selection

Distractions, Personal Bits, Toronto, Work

To the idiot who was waving her used Metro paper, approaching the poor TTC worker who was trying really hard to close a bag of garbage (he was actually on one knee, wrestling with the monster bag) and had the audacity to ask: “Too late to put one more in?”: Please. Throw yourself in front of a train.

To the lady on the cell phone who let everyone on the streetcar know that she was in the movie industry and was having a big drama day: You know the drill… throw yourself in front of the streetcar.

To my Doctor: Please just once acknowledge one of my jokes. I know you’re beleaguered and busy. Stop and laugh. Show me you’re human. Or throw yourself in front of your Audi. Whatever works.

To the homeless lady still outside my window yelling like there is an emergency, from my return home at 5pm-ish to now, 9:30pm: Seek help. If you won’t seek help, throw yourself in front of a crack dealer. Oh. You already did that.

To the one manager in my office who insists on flooding us with useless graphics requests that go absolutely nowhere but yet we have to honour them all the same because you have one grain of respectability that seems to shine in someone’s eyes: Visit India, reserve a spot on an elephant safari and then throw yourself in front of a pachyderm.

Relentless, By Robin Parrish

Celebs and Media, Distractions

MiniBook ExpoPublisher: Bethany House (July 1, 2006)
ISBN-10: 0764202219
ISBN-13: 978-0764202216

Finally… I’ve finished my first book from Lex. I have to admit that it took me a while to get through Relentless. Not because it was bad, but because I was distracted. Relentless arrived within the same week as myWii and iPhone. On my way to a gaming marathon or looking for the latest hack, I would pass the damn book and offer it guilty glances. I could imagine my dustyPSP nuzzling the book on it’s binding in a comforting way, offering solace with a “You too, buddy?” I’m sorry I left it so long. It was a good read!

Relentless, By Robin ParrishRelentless (the first book of Robin’s Dominion series) opens with boring, chunky Colin, getting off a bus in LA (so pathetic he takes the bus in LA!) and discovering that he is no longer Colin. For some reason, he has switched bodies with a muscular, handsome Grant Burrows, all within the first paragraph of the book. The first 100 pages of Relentless is like getting into a car with a friend drunkenly shifting gears down a darkened highway: you’re off on a fast ride that may or may not be to your liking. Colin/Grant is thrust into dealing with his new identity, his new abilities and his new friends, some of which want to kill him without question. In terms of the whole “new start on life” theme, it is a bit self indulgent, but who wouldn’t want to throw off their current husk for something stronger, faster and sexier? Robin’s writing satisfactorily lets us learn who Colin was, as we go with him discovering who Grant is and who he is to going to be.

The book pulls large from a lot of pop culture cornerstones to keep the story going. I found myself comparing it to themes found in Star Wars (parental issues, mystical powers), Invasion of the Body Snatchers (body switching, paranoia) and even Buckaroo Banzai (shadowy corporations hiding shadowy intent – plus the book was originally printed as a serial). But mostly it takes from The Matrix, due to the religious overtones within that movie. Robin’s 9 to 5 job is a “Catholic Culture” journalist so to compare his book with a movie of similar religious overtones is a no-brainer, but they have so much in common. Much like Neo in The Matrix, Grant has to deal with the “changed world” around him, reluctantly accepting the followers who have been awaiting his arrival for some time, sudden villains with extraordinary powers and his own budding “powers” that stem from the mysterious ring on his finger borne of evil technology. There’s even a shriveled Oracle dispensing vague prophecies towards Grant and the coming challenge he will have to endure. Since Relentless has core plot points accentuated with quotes from the Holy Bible and I’m not that up on Christian (pop?) culture, I am sure I’ve missed other less obvious comparisons. Robin runs a ‘progressive’ Catholic site/blog replete with comic offshoots from his Dominion series and after seeing one of these stories in graphic novel form, I have to admit that Relentless reads a lot better as a comic than a novel. The action is more suited to paneled, visual narration.

Relentless is written in a more looser, somewhat melodramatic style, all the while watching it’s language: the strongest curse word in all of it’s pages is “damn” and the “romantic” moments are brief, somewhat Harlequin-Romance-ish and happen faster than most of the action. There are a couple “roughly he grabbed her heaving shoulders and drew her in” instances that wind up with no kiss. I could compare that with Jesus’ relationship with Mary Magdalene, but that would just be pushing it. It’s an Action Thriller (according to the jacket), so this kind of writing is forgivable.

However… Most of his characters behave robotically and a few are curious 2 dimensional cut outs from various comic books. His Payton character, the hired assassin groomed to take down Grant, could have been Bullseye from the Daredevil comics/movies, right down to the accent. I did question a couple character motivations (it’s not made clear why Payton suddenly gives up his superhuman training of destroying Grant) and some gaping holes in plot points (if a lab assistant can find out that Grant owns a whole apartment complex in a ritzy part of LA within an afternoon, why couldn’t all the people who wanted Grant eliminated do so as well?), but Robin sets up the plot points with such urgency, I didn’t hang on these errors too long.

Get past that, and focus on the action and you’ll have a great ride. But I’m going to either wait for Mel Gibson to pick up the movie option, or happily continue to read it in graphic novel form.

Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

Celebs and Media, Distractions, Hobbies, Robots, Tech, Toronto

What a day! I love this convention when it comes to town. It’s like straight-boy Halloween. I love seeing the fan built costumes lovingly recreated just for this day (I talked to an orange and white Clone Trooper who’s outfit was so detailed, it could have been used in any of the first three Star Wars movies. Okay, he was 6″ shorter than me, but hey…).

Fluffy heads
Alarming amount of Furries, fluffies and other sexual deviants. From iPhone to Flickr pics here

Hell I love the ones that just make you say “Uh. Ok. WTF?” Like the Brazilian-waxed girl dressed as Ivy (Batman villain) who really should have been called Cottage Cheese Thighs Girl. Or the poor kid in line ahead of us, wearing…I have no fucking clue… that would manouver himself towards anyone who had a decent camera. In the future, we shall all have 15 frames of fame.

Swag got: My Halloween costume (no hints, SharkBoy!), a gay GI Joe t-shirt, a cool Rock Em Sock Em Robots shirt and this delicious video below:

The Hirjas Cult of India

Distractions

I just found this article/photo set on woophy.com this morning and I find it very interesting. Sitting at the bottom of the social Caste system, they provide blessings and curses (and a good time) to all who want them, for a price. All the while they mix up gender roles and conventions in their street performances. They have their own hierarchy of leader, teacher then student.

Much like our drag queens. But without the voodoo. Sort of.

Click on one of the article images and you’ll see the whole photo set.

(I know… get back to work.)

As in…?

Distractions

I was getting an email address from a printer over the phone and had to ask her spell out the name:

“A as in Aardvark, B as in Boy, D as in Dog. At. D as in Duck, P as in…”

Long pause. She goes dry. You could physically feel her grope for a word over the phone lines.

“…penis.”

The rest of the conversation between us was punctuated with snorts. Like teens in History class accused of farting.

Weak End

Distractions, Hobbies, Toronto

Friday, I finally got to see the guy doing my tattoo over at King of Fools Tattoos. After a month wait, I get to see… artwork that I helped develop? Nothing new? I was kind of pissed that I had to wait so long to talk with this guy, but he made up for it by showing me some of the work he’s got in the pipe now. I am very, very excited. Then off to Borne Ultimatum. Good movie. If you haven’t seen it yet, or are going back to see it you big fanboy, pay close attention to all the “extras” looking right at the camera or Matt Damon. The thing about filming commando as they did in Tunisia or Piccadilly Station, is that they weren’t too concerned with background wrangling. Or editing out the people taking pictures of Matt Damon with their cell phones.

Saturday SharkBoy and I drove up to Elora Gorge to go tubing. However, it took us over 2 hours to get there and I can tell you I was ready to go tubing… but that wasn’t going to happen due to all the rentals being sold out. So we went to the quarry and swam in water that I can only describe as being “oily”. Nice but I wouldn’t want to put my head under, if you know what I mean. We watched Flash Gordon (Rod! It’s as bad as I remember!) and to say that SharkBoy disliked it, would be an understatement. But I was taken back to Memoryville. I think this movie sealed my fetishism for hairy men. I mean come on… Topol!)

Sunday we ventured early into a mass of 40,000 children to watch “Walking with Dinosaurs” which I thought was very good. Expensive, but fun to see. These animatronic/puppet beasts were pretty cool. However, I think we’re conditioned to have John Williams music swell in our heads whenever we see a dino of any sorts. SharkBoy fell asleep (as did a few parents around us) during the big T-Rex growling ending.

Off to Tarragon to see my brother in Tarragon’s final production of “Terminated”. Ironically (?) I was totally creeped out when Mike was being seduced by his gay boyfriend in the play. And talking about anal sex. SharkBoy said watching the play was like watching me for 45 minutes rant about something.

So that was my weekends. What up whichoo, peeps?

Foto Fun Friday!

Distractions, iPhone, Toronto

cat suit

Best I could do while riding my bike and shooting with my iPhone. It’s a guy in a zebra print, full catsuit rollerblading along Cherry Beach.

I didn’t turn back to see (too scared!) but SharkBoy tells me he was wearing full face ski goggles too. Ambient temperature was around 33C.