Category Archives: Distractions

Vanity Search Yeilds

Distractions

So I pumped “dead robot” into Google and lo and behold I’m number won! Suck it, Tanya!

But second down I found this: Dead Robot: a new and used clothing store in Glasgow. I know exactly where I want to visit when we go to The United Kingdoms in September (other than the Coronation Street set tour). I’m going to make it my business to get a photo of me harassing the staff to release the good name of Dead Robot.

Further down I found a bunch of high school kids adding an “s” to my title and creating a blog about their robot battles. Woot! Go robot battler!

Further past that was this funny pic from a cardboard artist.

On Yahoo, I drop to #3 with the clothing store trumping me and a writer’s commune blog (with “society” tagged to the end?) winning out over both of us. Makes me wonder about search engines…

2008 – Looking Forwarded

Distractions

SharkBoy has a fun visual look back to 2007 so I thought I’d go all Miss Cleo on your asses and look to what this next year will bring:

In Entertainment:

  • We’re going to see less and less of Lindsay Lohan. She’s going to be selling Sleepmatic beds by November
  • Brad Pitt will leave Angelina Jolie by July. The kids will be divided into bite sized pieces
  • Kanye West will release a CD of jazz standards. Fiddy will respond by doing a Liza tribute album
  • The Simpsons will finally come to an end with a 22 minute show of them just doing nothing
  • James Cameron will abandon 3D technology for Thai Shadow puppetry

In Technology

  • Steve Jobs will release a new touch screen so small only fetuses will be able to operate them. Moms will be able to download The Wiggles right to their uteri.
  • The Web will grow to include parts of the moon.
  • Microsoft will apologize for Vista and offer everyone who purchased it a lovely card
  • Asus will release a “vanity” computer that will become the rage with teen girls and embarrassed basement-dwelling 40yr olds
  • Nanotech will create “blood” bots that report back to you when you’ve eaten too many chicken wings

In Your Life:

  • You will find that $20 you lost in September
  • Hangnails? Forget it! You’re free!
  • I sense a hobby in your future! Hope you like snorkels!

Have a great year, everyone!

Lifestyles of the Rich

Distractions

SharkBoy and I were invited to an Xmas party in a downtown condo last week. I won’t say who’s or where, ’cause I’m not a name dropper, but I do have to mention two things about the unit.

Situated on the 30th floor, this two-storey penthouse faced south and west. It was the kind of home with beautiful furnishings that makes you not notice the fact that you’re in a potentially pretentious condo. Subtle good taste. At one point, after the cater-waiter filled my glass the third time, I noticed the three hanging lamps over the kitchen island swaying simultaneously, slowly. I turned and noticed the crystal chandelier doing the same. I asked the owner if this was a regular occurrence. “Only with winds over 50kph,” he answered. Freaky.

Later that night, I wandered down onto the “bedroom floor” (two bedrooms, one den/office, three bathrooms) and had a look around. When I hit the master bath, I had what can only be called “an emotional reaction” to the loo. It was about 30 ft x 12 ft with three sinks, I think. I don’t recall because as I walked in, your eye immediately goes to the end of the long room to the shower.

The shower. God. It was about 10x12ft glass encased, exquisitely tiled room. Two walls were just that: Glass room divider separated the no-step into the shower area from the sink/potty zone. The opposite wall was floor to ceiling glass overlooking the gay village from the 30th floor. No tinting, no curtains. Glass. Anyone could, with a powerful enough binoc/telescope could watch you soap your butt. And wash you could: 7 shower heads (two sets of 3 vertical spigots up either side of the taps, one rapper-hubcap-sized rain spout set into the ceiling) blasted you from many directions. Joan Crawford wept.

I stood in the shower and pressed my forehead against the glass and looked down. Sheer down the side of the building. I was too stunned at this marvel to be scared. I wanted to dump hot cheese on myself from the buffet upstairs to have an excuse to get naked and take a shower.

I later had a dream about that shower. I’ve become obsessed.