Well, “Eeeevah!” if you’re a fan of Wall•E. Sexybrilliant Jonathan Ive is the Chief of Design over at Apple and has a stint in the industrial design documentary Objectified.
And that’s what I’m doing here. To him. In my mind.
Category Archives: Distractions
Testosterone, in rest and in motion
We’re having the February blahs two weeks early, folks. Both the weather, the job stress from December and the fact that Disney is 135 days away (That’s almost half a year to an overly dramatic teen ager or an infantile adult), has got me curmudgeonly. SharkBoy to the rescue! He produces two tickets to…
Monster Jam 2009, Toronto, Rogers Centre.
The closest I’ve ever come to one of these displays of manlymanness was a tractor pull in Tillsonburg back when we were campers. Note the head of the bald daddy that wanders past in the video above-that was basically the flavour of the evening, including the hairy butt crack we could glimpse at every “jump up and shout” moment. Those moments made me feel like I was returning to church after years being away: it was the same awkwardness when everyone rose to their feet and pumped the air with their fists when a monster truck… did something… Oh? Am I to genuflect now? Yes it was “redneck”, if there is such a thing in Canada, yes they had a shameless display of post-911 patriotism, yes a car caught fire. The whole thing reminded me of where the Fleshfair scene from Spielberg’s A.I. was borne. The crowd was cheering for blood (motor oil?) at the mere rev of an engine. At one point the woman behind me was ready to run down to the field and rip the heart out of one of the drivers for doing so poorly. Poorly? For driving in circles and doing the odd jump? I use to do that when I borrowed Dad’s car as a teen.
I also got a new camera. We ditched the Canon A640 for something less powerful and more compact: the Casio Eilixim. SharkBoy’s new compact Canon made me envious of his portability and after some research I found a deal over on Kijiji for one, which is a whole other blog post about crap falling off a truck, but I digress. Anywhoo, this is a sweet little, thin camera, nearly half the width of SharkBoy’s Canon. I tried many pre-sets last night, including the “YouTube Opitimized video” setting. At a distance, the focus ain’t the greatest, you lose it when you zoom in or out. In fact, the digital zoom is quite grainy. But what I gave up in power, I certainly gained in compressed bulk and ease of use. I think I’ll get the hang of it fast.
So Many Ways To Sleep Badly
So Many Ways To Sleep Badly
by Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore
Author’s Blog
City Lights Books
A MiniBook Expo review (go get yours today!)
Do you like your books to be complete, tidy, well laid out journeys? Do you like your story to unfold like releasing a master class origami swan with a hidden message tucked neatly inside the folds of paper? Do you like a dramatic or comedic build and then have all the pieces fall neatly into place 5 pages before the end?
Fuck off. Go get a Grisham.
So Many Ways To Sleep Badly is a memoir (Autobio? Loveletter? Suicide note?) to the sub-gay scene in San Francisco over a period of three years from 2001, when America went on the “offensive”. When I say “sub-gay” I’m lumping in several non-Will And Grace style homo categories, such as subversive queer punks that protest the homogeneity of Gay Pride Parades, stinky closeted Craigslist trolls, gender flipping transsexuals and sex trade workers with fibromyalgia.
Our hero(ine), our star, our beauty queen, the gender/race-fucking Mattilda, weaves a typical year in her(his) life through a barrage of stream of consciousness style writing that is so resonate, so vivid and yet at moments very ethereal, that there is no question that the cock (s)he is sucking does smell like disappointment and unfulfillable desire. SMWtSB is written with a delicate hand that within a sentence, will backhand you into a miserable sex hookup. So those with a weak constitution/morals system should be prepared to be appalled at her/his behaviour. Those who are more freer with their sensibilities will find a good laugh per page (and may identify with some situations). Mattilda will jump from describing a delicious dish (s)he rises in the middle of the night to eat, to a sexual exploit that had me spitting Dr Pepper through my nose:
I decide to come on my food – Jeremy never did it for me. It’s 3 a.m. pasta, and I’m on the phone sex line, whoops, I got disconnected. Over to the other one, and this guy can’t do it right, but I’m playing anyway. I shoot right into the pasta while it’s sitting demurely in the sink: scallions, string beans, bean sprouts, cilantro, lemon, tamari, rice vinegar – and come. I can’t really taste it.
Behind the outrageousness, there is tidbits of a darker Mattilda that peeks through, but, in my opinion, not enough for my liking. With fragmented memories and dreams dropped between yoga class descriptions, we get glimpses of child abuse and a romance that approaches respectable, making her the self made superstar she is in the book (I’m sticking with the feminine from here on in). But with no resolution, no closure to her “worn on her sleeve” pain, I’m left kind of empty – like cruising Craigslist at 4 a.m. I guess if she had supplied closure that would be conforming to a comfortable idea of a “novel”, something SMWtSP isn’t. SMWtSB reads more like a blog entries written without accepting the idea of the “last post” (and where art imitates life, her blog continues in the same vein but with more cohesive posts).
SMWtSB isn’t for the feint of heart. It’s explicit and hard to follow and makes as much sense as that guy wearing plastic bags on the subway you sat beside this morning. But if you don’t read it, you will miss out on some beautiful imagery, some hilarious social commentary and the possibility your horizons won’t be expanded.
Scripted Avatars pt3: Smack!
This is how this three part fantasy will play out:
Scripted Avatars pt2
Another in the Best of Clist M4M ads: Not into Touching
Scripted Avatars
From postbear comes Xtranormal, where you can create movies on the fly with some text.
I took my Clist post of “50 things” and shot it as a movie. Enjoy!
The Best Pictures of 2008 From DR.com!
Okay boring one out of the way first: Flickr tells me this was my most viewed picture for last year:
The best “Husband” Image for 2008 goes to “Beach Relaxio at Saugatuck”
The Runner up best “Husband” picture is also the Best “Picture from Disneyland”:
Best “Involved With Enviroment” image goes to “Huge Bollocks!”
Next, the best “Brush With a Homemade Celebrity” Image goes to “Lack of Faith”!
For the “Most Creative Use of Clippers” award, we give it to “Hot DJ”
The award for “No Colour Manipulation” image goes to “Husband on a Dock”!
Best “Well, DUH” image goes to “Crew’s Fire Saftey Plan”
For the best “Faux Arty Farty” shot, we give you “Ball of Burn”!
But the “All Round Ultimate Best”, in my humble opinion, would have to be my depthy, curious picture of a hybrid cauliflower and a cat:
Keeping It Low Key This New Years
Why? Because I don’t want pictures of me rolling around in bright sparkly confetti to wind up on Sorry I Missed Your Party blog, that’s why! (SFW if you can handle puke)
(Via Boing Boing)
The Best Posts of 2008, DR.com Style
I’m guessing you’re love/hating these lists right now so I’m just going to post this now before the year is up: enjoy the best and runners up of each 2008 month. Newcomers to Dead Robot Heavy Industries may find this curious, old-tymers may find this redundant. Woot!
January:
I write an angry letter to Dalton McGuinty, premier of Ontario (Yes, lower case “p”) as my Dad sat waiting in St Mike’s emergency ward after 24 hours (I had started to write it in my head at the 12 hour mark). Has anything changed? Well I’m getting spam from the premier’s office regularly, snail mail and eblast. I doubt the wait times are any better, but thankfully we don’t have to test it any more.
Runner up: Some of my 2008 predictions come true! I’m Miss Cleo!
February:
Restaurant Makeover, still a villain? This post is still getting daily page reads nearly a year on. While I have not watched the show since posting this article, I suspect they’re still making it (nor do I care enough to google it to find out). However I do officially take Bulldog Cafe off my deathwatch. It’s still around with a healthy clientele, apparently!
Runner up: My iPhone Wallpaper-a-Day posts, that lasted approximately 18 days! I suck!
March:
While my entire Vegas/LA adventure was fun, I would have to say the drive through the desert was a highlight. To this day, I will never forget the stillness, the silence of the desert.
Runner Up: A co-worker who “gets me” and I discuss an upcoming operation in a crowded elevator.
April:
I recall all the celebrities I’ve come in contact with. Including their snot.
Runner Up: I get upset with a forums moderator who recommends a crappy iPhone hack to all who will listen. I’m still amazed to this day how passionate I was about the whole iPhone hacking community. I even started notes for an online book…
May: Despite my dad being nearly too ill to attend, we rocked Empty Bowls again. This is one of my favorite spring events (other than Sharkboy’s birthday, of course).
Runner Up: My England memory installments. It’s long and boring and self indulgent. Just like a blog!
June:
After I wrote Pride Tips for Out Of Towners, I noticed that my page views shot up. I instantly felt kind of bad for being such a bitter and angry representative for Toronto Pride, but I do stand by my work.
Runner Up: I wipe out my student loan, avec memories!
July:
One of my Toronto-Teen landmarks closes. I recall how much money I actually spent in that dirty arcade. Oh well… (fires up his PS3).
Runner Up: While I had a monthly record 4 posts about the evil of Rogers, I have to say the second best was relating the two attention starved gym bunnies behaving like Walter and Perry.
August:
Such a difficult month to choose. The post about me worrying about a jockstrap, not the movie Jackass? The painting over a memory? The FanExpo post, complete with fun pix? No, I had to choose my critiquing crappy gay campground websites. So bitter. So mean.
Runner Up: My retelling of our visit to SharkBoy’s “Summer Place” where I climbed a mountain and got super sweaty.
September:
I and a barista from my local Starbucks share a moment.
Runner Up: I fart. In public. Always funny.
October:
We did a lot in October: Zombie Walk, Visiting family from various cities, Art With Heart auction and some free theatre, provided to us via the Playwright Brother. All were great but I have to single out the new roommate who lives above us now. Still slightly noisy, but not so much.
Runner Up: My first Nuit Blanche was fun, if not entirely curious.
November:
While I loved Milk as a movie, I’m still kind of wondering why the best gay roles are going to straight people. Granted I can’t see Lance Bass with this level of acting ability, but it is somewhat disappointing.
Runner Up: Halloween on Church Street is becoming more of a frat boy drinking party as the night goes on.
December:
Still stinging from layoffs within my job bubble, I choose to remember the advice I give about plasma TVs
Runner Up: Mind numbingly stupid Craigslist Ads. I don’t begrudge the bad grammar or the spelling, but I do take umbrage towards how some people market themselves.
Next up: My fave pictures for 2008!
Happy Holildays!
I was going to steal StevieB’s video find but this one works for me. It’s how I see Sharkboy, every time he makes me popcorn.
(Via Gizmodo)