Category Archives: Distractions

Dead Robot’s Best List of the Decade

Distractions

Here are my faves for the last little while:

Tying the knot. For better or for worse, it’s been fantastic having someone who has your back. And keeps your back warm at night. I’m (still) in love and don’t see any foreseeable end to this love affair. I keep playing the night he asked me over and over in my head: the warm(ish) summer night, the fire, the stars. He prefaced his question by saying he had honourably emailed my mom and dad, asking if it was ok to marry me. Which leads me to…

Camping. Getting out there was fun. My tastes in how I spend my weekends have changed, but I’m glad I experienced a couple summers of sleeping under the stars. I’ll never forget Stumbleina and cleaning the pool at 7am.

Travel. I think I’ve travelled more in the last decade than any other time in my life, even when I lived in England. I’ve been to Mexico, Vancouver, Florida, Quebec, Vermont, The Caribbean, Belize, and even places closer to home, like Niagara Falls, which have given me so many great memories (and 90% of them are due largely to SharkBoy dragging my ass out into the world) but the couple that stand out are: coming through the gates at Magic Kingdom at DisneyWorld as a steam train arrived at the station and a parade started simultaneously – Seeing the Main Street, the characters happily singing and dancing and the damn castle made me lose my shit. I was 12 yrs old again. I still choke up thinking about it. And I’ll never forget riding the zip-line through the Belize jungle – being terrified by heights, but determined to do this thing, I had nervously stayed at the back of the pack to let everyone else go first. After the safety orientation, the guide suddenly reversed the order of our pack, making me the “scream-like-a-girl” first to experience the thrill. Thankfully I didn’t chicken out.

My Dad’s 65th, 70th and 75th Birthday parties. The man knows how to throw a party for himself. (I know “65th” was back in the late 90s but it needs to be addressed – order your guests to arrive in white and wear cream.)

Improv Classes. I loved getting up in front of people and making them laugh. Though it didn’t take off (purely because I hated trying to compete with the other frail, gigantic egos in “the biz”), I did manage to do one stand up set in front of total strangers and hence, “stand up comedy feature – UNLOCKED!” (as they say in video games).

Getting fired from Rogers iMedia. The first time I’ve ever been “let go” dropped me into a couple years of depression but the other side was so gratifying. Every skill I use today I learned there from Dimitri (who, sadly doesn’t digitally create stuff anymore), but I’m glad I didn’t stay, contract or otherwise. You can’t have light without dark.

Working as a film extra. In my post-Rogers money pit, I signed up as an extra for various TV/Movie/Tax write off productions in Toronto. Most notably Queer as Folk, where I learned that behind the scenes can be funnier than the shit they put in front of the camera (see the show “Extras” – I actually got to live it). Best moment on set was doing a scene with my Dad as my brother delivered lines on the show “This Is Wonderland”. You can see my hand holding a file in front of my father’s face in one brief moment.

Various Games. On various platforms. I will never forget spending an entire day (we’re talking a solid 9 hours) on Grand Theft Auto IV with Vancouver Mike as we dived into McCain’s fudge and ice cream dessert and enough pop to drown a whale. I’ll not soon forget firing up Katamari Damanci for the first time and being blown away at the craziness. I also recall wasting hours of my life with SharkBoy as we tried to out-do each other, crash-wise, in Burnout: Revenge. Nor can I forget the sumptuous art of BioShock. But I have to say that Uncharted 2 has been a pinnacle game for me in my last ten years – incredible graphics, tight game play interspersed with fantastically acted cut scenes. Lastly, how can I forget this Christmas miracle:

Best Movie. So difficult. I’ve asked Shelly and she’s come up with this list, in order of fave to least. You’ll note that a couple blockbusters from last week are not on purely because I want to get past the hype before deciding:

  1. Ratatouille
  2. Up / Wall*E (tie)
  3. Chicken Run / Kenny / Children of Men (Foreign movie three way tie)
  4. Sunshine
  5. No Country For Old Men
  6. The Dark Knight
  7. The Incredibles
  8. District 9
  9. Moon
  10. The Watchmen

In all, the last ten years have been fun. As I slip into my midway point of my life (assuming I’ll live to 90 or so) I can only speculate what the future holds for me, like a drunk Dianne Warwick Psychic Hotline operator:

Cyborg parts! Love Triangle with a hologram! PS4! Apple iSlate! Singularity Parties! Surgically attaching toe webbing! Belly Mouths! And finally Cat IQ upgrades!

I want to wish you all a Happy New Year!

Dead Robot’s Worst List of the Decade

Distractions

The shittiest moments that happened to me in the last 10 years:

Being fired from Rogers iMedia. Going from a $45k job to barely eking out a living caused me to lose a lot of friends, a relationship and most of my dignity. Getting laid off also made me declare…

Bankruptcy. I still can remember the day I signed the papers – I felt like I had let everyone down. Then 48 hours later I got the call for my current job. If I held out another couple months, I wouldn’t have had to sign those papers and be in this 7 year black hole. But I have learned you can live without a credit card. Marry one!

Giving up my first cats. I really should have given up the allergic, 4-joints a day, roommate.

Dad being sick. It was the longest, most frustrating year of my (his!) life. All this came when Michael Moore released “Sicko”. I wanted to punch his fat face and tell him about my father spending close to 28 hours in St Micheal’s emergency waiting for a bed to come free. He’s still not 100% but at least he’s eating and working out again.

The Strike/Workshare/General Economy. After coming home to such a wonderful Disney vacation we were told I was going to a 4 day work week and SharkBoy was going on strike. Worst. Summer. Ever. No money, no-money stresses, heaped on workload, more-workload stresses, shitty weather, no tan to speak of stresses. Last summer can chew my ass.

Movies. I have to say the worst movie I saw in the last ten years (other than the obvious Return to Frogtown ones) was Joel “I Destroy Everything I Touch” Schumacher’s Phantom Of the Opera. I slept through some of it (something I never do) and what I did see made me angry. It’s the only movie I can recall ever really wanting to walk out of. Not that I hated the music (I’ve seen the stage show at least three times), I did enjoy the art direction and the costuming, but the whole thing just bored me and then angered me. Especially when they reversed the bubbles. Moulin Rouge! was my first choice for a long while but I’ve warmed to it – except for Ewan McGregor’s shoutysingy voice. Still hate that.

Crappiest Game. Hands down, the worst game I played in the last ten years has to be “The Price Is Right” for the Wii. We did laugh, but we laughed at it. Second only to “Totally Spies” for the Wii as well. Soul-less game play with the camp girly sucked out of existence.

In all, not a terrible decade. I’ve had worse (Grade 5 to College). I hope your upcoming deca-year will be faboo!

White Christmas

Amy, Distractions

Dead Robot: We’re packing up the rental SUV (take that, fatty fuck Al Gore!) with all our prezzie loot and headed to the most picture perfect spot in the US for Xmas: Vermont! Home of sporadic iPhone G3 service. We all here at Dead Robot Heavy Industries would like to thank you for reading through this most difficult year of economic ass raping and encourage you to shop blindlessly into the new year! Happy Holidays!

RobotBlogger: Machines will rule this planet! Until then, happy seasons!

Dead Robot: Nice.

Shelly: Hey Tubby! Can we go see Avatar again and make it a sing-a-long? Anything’s better than the same marine yelling “GET SOME!!” over and over again.

Dead Robot: I will kick you back to the Cayman Islands if you don’t shut up.

Amy: Amy Good! Gorilla! Amy Eat faces of house apes! Amy Holiday Cheer! Banana Cake! Cage out! Kill sad!

Shelly: Can we remove her batteries?

Dead Robot: You want to get close enough to try?

Merry Xmas! Here’s a video of America for you!

Of Course You Do

Distractions

totallyspieswiiI’m exchanging old Wii games for new ones at a local gaming store. The dead eyed clerk shuffles through my stack and when he hits the “Totally Spies!” game disk, he hesitates ever so slightly.

Me: Do you judge people by the games they return?

Clerk: Ah. (Pause) No.

I’m buying a pattern at Fabricland. Due to the nature of the pattern and the impending holidays, I am unable to divulge what I bought. Trust me, it’s the Totally Spies of McCall’s patterns. The perky cheerleader of a clerk is ringing up my purchase.

Me: Do you judge people by the patterns they buy?

Clerk: (perky) Ha! No! Never!

I’m dumping old CDs at a used CD store. The dead eyed clerk is shifting through the 10-20 CDs and comes across “Barney Says Goodnight!” (Yes the same purple dinosaur from I Love You fame. I use to play this at 2:45am when I was bartender – it would clear out the drunks fast).

Me: Do you judge people by the CDs they bring in?

Clerk: Dude. Nothing phases me anymore.

Thursday Randominium

Celebs and Media, Distractions, You Stupid Dick

Change

Engadget changes it’s layout and for the most part, it’s unreadable. I didn’t like it before with it’s untethered white space and now the core font is a bit too “magazine-y”

Speaking of Change

Would you continue reading Dead Robot if I went down to a post a week but had layouts like Smashing Magazine suggests?

[poll id=”4″]

He’s Angry At These Cans!

We consume over 103,260,550 Coke cans a day (according to Gizmodo) Much like when American Airlines stopped painting their planes, Giz speculates that if you made the cans naked you’d save tons of paint yearly. TONS! And blind people rejoice.

Pokey!

Going for the H1N1 shot? Got mine. Hurts like a… what rhymes with Brother Trucker? Someone told me to keep your arm super relaxed before they plunge in the needle. I was too busy trying to make my doctor laugh. Expect 24-48 hours of generally gross feeling after too. But now I can walk through a barn without fear.

Mickey Confidential

I found this via someone searching “Inner Cast Member”  on my blog: Cast Member Confidential is a blog revealing some pretty funny and/or racey behind the scenes at the Magic Kingdom. Spotlight of Truth? Brett Easton Ellis Fiction? I haven’t decided yet but I am loving it.

My New Favorite App

Billions of Apps are being created as we sit here and rot within our skins. This one stands out: CatPaint. Create your own artistic marvels for $1.
Mew! Postbear's knee

‘Membar?

SharkBoy and I were watching Flight of the Navigator the other night and this was in a scene. I seem to recall some media outlet complained that this video was “violent” and too bizarre for television. Probably the BBC. Funny thing about FotN: Paul Rubens did the voice of the ship, Max. He’s slightly modulated to sound like Judge Reinhold but when he goes into the high octaves, there’s the old Pee Wee we all know.

Too Much Reality TV

Celebs and Media, Distractions, Personal Bits, Travel

amazing-race-15-12I woke this morning and decided that I shouldn’t let TV rule my creativity.

With Mad Men in-between seasons I can now ease off on the self conscious art director dreams I usually have after watching a single episode. The dream is always the same: I walk into my boss’ office and lay down 5 years of pent up anger at how our company’s brand is more fractured than a plate glass window in a Bruce Willis action film. I usually wake from them weirdly optimistic that work will get better if I just take more initiative.

Now that Amazing Race is nearly over and that Matt Tomljenovich (at right leaning on his father) are out of the race I can stop dreaming about him. Not in a creepy school girl way, he just is in my dreams.

Last night I dreamed I was on a really rusted out ship headed for Tokyo with cameras following 60-70 of us passengers all over the rust bucket as we search for …things… that would better our placement in the game when we arrived. Contestants were practically falling over camera equipment…

…and caged animals… (???)

…as we went from one part of the ship to the next. I had to share a 3 bedded room with 20 guys, which strangely looked like the room I shared with Canadian ex-pats in London’s Earls Court Road. Meanwhile, a camera was thrust into my face as I offered up my bed to a 8 year old kid who thanked me but I could see in his parent’s eyes that I had made some critical strategic reality TV game show error and they were going to crush my spirit at the next challenge or something. Meanwhile Matt was taking off his pants so I was utterly distracted.

Forget Me Nots

Distractions
Eat - Poop - Die

Eat - Poop - Die

I’m asked to take a look at WarrantyElephant.com and provide you, my pithy readers, a review of this online reminder site.

I can honestly say I like the concept: you register your warranties with the site and just like a pachyderm, it remembers your purchases. It will even email you when the warranty is ready to expire so you can extend it or just forget it. Now you can place all your warranties in one place, digitally!

I like the concept because it reminds me of 2001, just before the big internet bubble collapse.

This site sounds genuinely excited to help and wants you to provide them with a crapload of information about how much expensive product you might have at your home. While I thought this might be a security concern, there was no invasive personal info collected when you sign up. After registering (twice – first confirmation email never arrived) I wondered if Warranty Elephant had some magical twist that would make me actually dig out a warranty card (which I rarely fill out) and fill in all the blanks. Like some autofill feature that if I just entered “Samsung, HDTV, Plasma” it would provide me with an array of model numbers to choose from. Unfortunately Warranty Elephant isn’t very feature rich at the moment.

I realize I’m asking a start up site to have something like every single model number of every gadget/gizmo out there – highly unfeasible. But in review, the site held no spark or clever coding that would make a Venture Capitalist beg to toss cash at. The site requires you to copy down information already stored away in a mess of a drawer somewhere. If I was anal I’d probably ‘gasm out with typing in each and every number and letter of the serial numbers from my purchases. But I’m no where near that anal.

What would be nice is if the site emailed you product upgrade notices/new models/online operating manuals for the product you register, which could be sent a day or two after you list your warranties. A spider crawl through the site and semantic searching could communicate more information about the products you store with them, as payoff for taking the time to register.

In wandering around the site, I got nostalgic for the pre-internet bubble days when commercial site ideas flew across the web like fez-capped winged monkeys. Where fully functional free service sites were vacated as soon as someone mentioned “paid subscription”. I started to wonder how the site creators of Warranty Elephant can afford this kind of server space and development. No ads… plenty of “We swear to Shiva we don’t rent or sell our email lists!!!” in block letters… no “premium” service… No indication at all how they make their money.

I guess they forgot that part.