Here’s a useful list of all the celebrities I’ve ever met in my life:

Mr Dressup: He came to Brockvegas when I was a teen, experimenting with alcohol. Ricky Goldstein, Dave Tennant and I decided that we were going to go meet him by standing around the stage door of the theatre he was performing at. Actually we were bored and had nothing better to do. Dave and I didn’t really want to meet him but Ricky was acting all goofy and decided to REALLY hang by the door and wound up actually getting nudged by Mr Dressup as he came out. Ricky celebrated by tripping in the street, excited to get back to us to boast his contact with celebrity.

Catherine O’Hara: While wandering away from friends at the old Antique Market on Queen’s Quay, I turned the corner and there she was. In all her dressed down glory. Instantly my face lit up, like a kid on Easter Sunday who’s found the largest hollow chocolate egg. Her face lit up too, like Scooby Doo discovering the rogue robot for the first time. My face said “OH MY GOD! A CELEB–” and hers said “PLEASE DON’T MAKE A SCENE!”. And I didn’t. I smiled and walked on. She owes me one.

Silvester Stallone: While on a weekend trip to NYC, I got shoved out of the way by the Italian Stallion. Okay he brushed pass me and slapped my shoulder in celebrity “howyoudoin’?” kind of manner. He’s short.

Carole Pope: I’m name dropping here. One time I went to my brother’s girlfriend’s house for a party and there she was, the woman who, back in the 80s, had a firm grip on my developing sexuality through song. Apparently they’re good friends. She had an entourage of 3 girls swirling around her all the time like a celebrity dust storm. Without gushing (to this day I’m extremely proud of my restraint), I grabbed a tray of oysters and cut through the girls to Ms Pope. I offered her one. She took it. Smiled. Thanked me. I thanked her but put much more than just oysters behind the force of my voice. I think I freaked her out.

Peter Paige: During my time playing background fodder on the set of Queer As Folk, we were never allowed to come in direct contact with the actors. One day, Peter Paige (Emmett) snorted out a big sneeze right on my arm as I passed by him to get back to “ones”. He was mortified that he had got me with his spew, but I let loose with my standard response (“That’s ok. It will dry up and flake off.”) and he laughed.

Rick Mercer: I use to email commercial spoofs to him and after the third one, he responded by email: “Who is the cute guy in your gallery pictures?”

“My husband! Did you read my script?”

“No, my agent says I can’t accept any scripts unsolicited.” The End.

Shane Jacobson: The star of the Australian film Kenny. A truly great celebrity. He continually smiled, was patient for a couple photos and answered a few questions without being rushed. His girlfriend, however, not so nice. Leave her, Shane!

My Brother: Feh. I use to fetch his asthma medications at 2am in the morning.