A while ago my Da shocked the hell out of Sharkboy and I by not informing us that Sunday dinner would be shared with the man he tricked with all weekend: a 6’4″ African American adult student from Detroit, relocating to Toronto to go to Ryerson (I say “adult student” because they met at one of Da’s over 40, Prime Timers meeting). Imagine my surprise when I entered Da’s condo, noticed the fourth place setting and ask “Who else is coming to dinner?” and this gentleman comes out of the bedroom. Charming guy. Nice. Completely not like Da’s other tricks and dates, thats fer sher. Many were the jokes that evening of him being my “new Mom”, including my favorite: “Can I have my allowance, now?”

Then I got to thinking who would make a great Mom within the circle of friends/acquaintances I have. Here is an assessment of some with “Pushover Factor” (that is, would I be able to manipulate “mom” to do my bidding, one being “nope” and ten being “playdough!”):

Sharkboy: Beyond the obvious therapy I would need to go through if my Da and he were to start dating, I would require plenty of notice if I were to drop by their home. I wouldn’t want to see any form of coo-cooing or schmoopie doopie love talk lest I be sent into brain-locking fits.
Pushover Factor: 2. I know what buttons to push but he’s pretty crafty.

The Mailman: I think he would make my dad laugh. A lot. And they share the same anal sense of apartment living (git yer mind out of the gutter). But they’d butt heads too. Both are pretty stubborn.
Pushover Factor: 10. One whine from me and The Mailman caves. My voice is like that.

The Busdriver: I think these two would the most compatable together. They’re both home bodies, both like the quiet life with the odd shock ‘n play thrown in for fun. But the Busdriver would nag my Da when Da exerts his independence. I cant say why, I just feel it. I doubt that they’d monogamous, though. Hell I think with any of these guys Da wouldn’t be monogamous…
Pushover Factor: 4. He has seen me lie and knows when my tone changes to manipulation, Jedi-mind-trick level.

Vancouver Mike/Swollen Uvula: The most active Mom of the bunch. He’d take him bike riding and go on walks and enjoy Da’s kitchen. The horror for me would be that the two of them would gang up on me and start to berate me into fixing my life.
Pushover Factor: 8. Garlic Mashed Potatos and he’s mine.

Those are the top 4. I would have done online aquaintences but they’re a bit hard to judge. I know if DumbFuck was Da’s squeeze, I’d totally have a MILF.