Click to see all the horrid stains!<\/p><\/div>\n

Good bye couch. You were never really mine, I only came into your life purely by marriage.<\/p>\n

I’ll never forget the times I spent sitting on you. From the first time I went over to SharkBoy’s house to watch a movie I knew that I’d be spending a lot of time on you. You know I use to sit not ON you but in front of you as a sneaky way to get close to SharkBoy when he had a lot of people over for movie nights.<\/p>\n

One time, during a viewing of Lord of the Rings, while sitting on you, dear couch, I turned to SharkBoy and said “You know how they made the waterfall effect in this movie?”<\/p>\n

“No,” SharkBoy says.<\/p>\n

“Chickens,” I dead pan.<\/p>\n

We laughed for ours, couch. Remember?<\/p>\n

We also played a ton of video games, couch. You held my ass down while I went through Infamous, Infamous 2, Bioshock, Bioshock 2, all the Gods of War, Mario on Karts, in Galaxies, and the odd Red Ring of Deaths, a couple Fallouts and lots of Vice. Vice City. In fact I spent the last hour on you playing a video game. Pretty fitting.<\/p>\n

You were comfortable up until the last year when your stuffing shifted and you would make my hip hurt after an hour of watching TV. Time to go.<\/p>\n

So thank you couch for bringing me much fun with the man I love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Good bye couch. You were never really mine, I only came into your life purely by marriage. I’ll never forget the times I spent sitting on you. From the first time I went over to SharkBoy’s house to watch a movie I knew that I’d be spending a lot of time on you. You know […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[1394,1963],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-25D","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8037"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8037"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8037\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8037"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8037"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8037"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}