I want aliens to come down to earth and provide us all one mutant\/super power. The catch is that it has to be lame, really lame. I would become Captain Swirlo<\/strong><\/em> and would have my chest hair exposed through a hole in my tights. My special power is to vaguely hypnotize my enemies by swirling my chest hair in a singular direction. By “vaguely” I mean that I can manipulate their minor choices during the day. “Tuna fish for luuuuunch! Tuna fish for luuuuunch!”<\/p>\n

My nemesis would be Tooclose<\/strong><\/em>, a dastardly villain that has the power to walk behind me too close<\/i> and get me pissed off while I’m trying to have a conversation with a friend.<\/p>\n

You can tell I think this crap up in the shower.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I want aliens to come down to earth and provide us all one mutant\/super power. The catch is that it has to be lame, really lame. I would become Captain Swirlo and would have my chest hair exposed through a hole in my tights. My special power is to vaguely hypnotize my enemies by swirling […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-9n","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/581"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=581"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/581\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=581"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=581"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=581"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}