Last night, while walking back from the grocery store, SharkBoy was about 4 steps ahead of me and I was overcome to do something to his ice cream (come on, he made ME carry it home and I can’t have any of it!). I quickly ripped off the top and looked down at the pure ecru tub of sugary goodness. I must act fast! What to do? Plant my face into it a la Mrs Doubtfire? Well, close…<\/p>\n

I stuck my face\/teeth into it and dragged my upper jaw across the top and scooped out a healthy chunk. Lid back on, wipe my face, act natural. Smile!<\/p>\n

We get back into the apartment and I put down the tub. I put away the rest of the food and innocently ask “Are you going to have some ice cream during Dexter<\/em>?”<\/p>\n

“ICE CREAM!” he shouts and pulls off the top.<\/p>\n

He stops. <\/p>\n

He does a double take at the gaping hole.<\/p>\n

He goes white when he realizes the hole is actually a bite mark. <\/p>\n

I’m dying. Using my best Team America ACTING<\/em> I say “Holy shit! Those are teeth marks!!”<\/p>\n

I think he’s going to throw up. He drops his ice cream scoop and stomps towards the door. I think he’s going to go get a gun and go Michael Douglas Falling Down<\/a> on the shitty grocery store so I stop him and tell him I did it, relax.<\/p>\n

He was actually going to go get his camera to blog about it. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last night, while walking back from the grocery store, SharkBoy was about 4 steps ahead of me and I was overcome to do something to his ice cream (come on, he made ME carry it home and I can’t have any of it!). I quickly ripped off the top and looked down at the pure […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-1fS","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4828"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4828"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4828\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}