I found my diary from 10 yrs ago in the basement today:<\/p>\n

Nov 4th, 1996<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I met Robert at my brother’s U of T Intelligencia party. 14yrs ago he and my brother goofed about for a while and ended it abruptly. Robert stumbles into this party – I’m stoned + kinda drunk and munching out at the snacks when he enters. I will never forget it – all bluster and cyclone like. I’m enchanted.<\/em><\/p>\n

He’s a comedian, though I have never seen him on TV. Cool outlook. His attention turns on me like car headlights and his off the cuff remark to me makes me feel like a fool. I clam up. He says I seem detached. I’m actually paranoid from the pot and I am worried I’ll say something wrong. He’s beefy. I find him very attractive. His eyes crinkle when he smiles. He’s observant: he reads me like a book. He suspects I can’t be monogamous (try me!), he thinks I’m a bottom (try me!)…he thinks…I don’t really know. He offers to have me over for a sleep over because he feels comfortable around me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Nov 25 1996<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Robert and I still date. But no sex yet. Last night, as we lay beside each other, I read to him from “Kewtee, Santa’s Helper” as he groped my crotch.<\/em><\/p>\n

It was all in fun. I think.<\/em><\/p>\n

I will never forget him. I remember after he left with my phone number in his pocket, I couldn’t stop talking about him. He was the kind of person I wanted to be: gregarious, funny, commanding, likable. We broke up on the steps of the community centre where he taught improv acting classes.<\/p>\n

The first night I slept over he handed me a pair of flannel pjs and I laughed. This, however, was not a joke. He expected me in them if I wanted to sleep over. I wore them. Once. After that it was t shirt and underwear. I never found out why.<\/p>\n

Robert had the best apartment ever. Located in a 4 storey sprawling post-war lowrise, nothing in it was created before 1960. Couches, paintings, working stereo, curtains…all of it in pristine condition. The greatest thing about the apartment was the bathroom: from floor to ceiling were articles, lobby shots, pictures, figurines of Joan Crawford. Complete with JC toilet scrub and Ajax on a shelf by itself. I thought it the most decadent bathroom ever.<\/p>\n

He use to call me by my last name. Never by Ted. I could never win an argument with him. He was a wordsmith and a master debater.<\/p>\n

We never had sex once in the 7 weeks we went out. Yes I was monogamous.<\/p>\n

I saw Robert on TV last year in a PSA. He played a doctor who joyously flipped his pen as The Comforting Government Voice said that health care was in good shape.<\/p>\n

Weirdly enough I now work steps away from his old apartment and wonder if he’s still there, living in his shrine to all things 50s.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I found my diary from 10 yrs ago in the basement today: Nov 4th, 1996 I met Robert at my brother’s U of T Intelligencia party. 14yrs ago he and my brother goofed about for a while and ended it abruptly. Robert stumbles into this party – I’m stoned + kinda drunk and munching out […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[8,12],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s9WjY-robert","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=42"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/42\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=42"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=42"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=42"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}