The first line I ever had on stage was:<\/p>\n

“We wear no leggings because it is spring.”<\/p>\n

I delivered it with similarly dressed fidgety actors in equally degrading outfits: a big yellow 2 ft diameter cardboard flower encompassing my face and green tights. The “flower section” stood simultaneously and addressed the audience with a flat monotone that is only found on bored “what the hell is a stage” preschoolers.<\/p>\n

I was 32.<\/p>\n

Actually I was 7 or something. The last time I was officially on stage was as the Cowardly Lion in grade 12. I did well, but I am certainly no singer. Ive been on stage for other things like the Eagle’s foreskin contests or tough nuts contest but that was all ad libbed and spontaneous.<\/p>\n

I was thinking this morning that well over 1,000,000 people saw me this summer swing a flag, rub my crotch with a pink pom pom and\/or completely mess up Donna Summer’s Last Dance<\/em> with dual swing flags for ROTC. If any of the twirlers had told me that I’d be in front of that many people wearing the ugliest clothes ever before our first parade left the blocks, I think I would have laughed nicely and quit on the spot.<\/p>\n

It was heaven.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The first line I ever had on stage was: “We wear no leggings because it is spring.” I delivered it with similarly dressed fidgety actors in equally degrading outfits: a big yellow 2 ft diameter cardboard flower encompassing my face and green tights. The “flower section” stood simultaneously and addressed the audience with a flat […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-y","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=34"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/34\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=34"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=34"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=34"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}