…my brother yelled at me for eating all the cheese and mayonnaise in the apartment.<\/p>\n

…my sister caught me ripping the head off one of her Barbies.<\/p>\n

…I peed myself where I sat because I didn’t want to haul myself over to the bathroom. I had a broken leg.<\/p>\n

…I told someone I didn’t actually like them that way<\/em> and three days later, I got a letter in the mail, torn up, chock full of laughably hateful comments about my person.<\/p>\n

…I told someone I liked them that way<\/em> and he ran like a Japanese bullet train to Osaka.<\/p>\n

…I handled my brother’s coveted KISS ARMY album by the grooves and not the label, and then played it fast, slow and backwards, just because he was a jerk to me.<\/p>\n

…I was accosted by one of my other brother’s ex-flings because I was his brother. (chew on that a moment)<\/p>\n

…I barfed so violently while I was on the stairs on the way to the bathroom, that it shot out between my fingers and painted the walls like a Jackson Pollock painting.<\/p>\n

…I told a boyfriend that the crabs I got was from sleeping at his best friend’s house. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

…my brother yelled at me for eating all the cheese and mayonnaise in the apartment. …my sister caught me ripping the head off one of her Barbies. …I peed myself where I sat because I didn’t want to haul myself over to the bathroom. I had a broken leg. …I told someone I didn’t actually […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":430,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9WjY-mh","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1381"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/430"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1381"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1381\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1381"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1381"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.deadrobot.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1381"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}