Tag Archives: few moments

One Thousand Yard Stare In a 50ft Locker Room

You Stupid Dick

I’m changing from towel to street clothes and the guy behind and four lockers to my right is taking his own sweet time doing the same. That’s ok, some people dress slow and like to take their time but the thing is, he’s positioned himself in a T-intersection to oversee the entire locker room. A clear view from where he’s dressing to the main isle and when he goes up on his toes, he’s got a clear view into the cubby holes, created by the lockers.

Slowly he dresses. Watching everyone, except for me, for some insulting reason (not that he was good looking). I guess I’m too damn pretty or too easy to ogle. He slowly puts on his underwear, back to his locker (while 99% of us face our lockers when we dress), going up on his toes every few moments to see what’s what. Hey there! Hi there! Ho there!

Since he’s virtually ignoring me, I stop tying my shoes to actually look at his face and his eyes. There’s nothing I can read there. It’s as almost as if he’s doing this on automatic and has probably been doing it for years and doesn’t realize he’s being that “creepy guy” in the room. He certainly isn’t focusing on any one particular person, his gaze darts from person to person. He’s “just looking” in the purest sense of the word, but his default is set to repeat the scan, looping looping looping. He’s freaking me out a bit and I feel a pang of sorrow for his need to unabashedly, wildly look around the room like an expectant prom queen looking for her king to come back with the spiked punch.

I start to whistle “Some Day My Prince Will Come” from Snow White to charge the moment with some bitter malice on my part. He doesn’t notice.

Sulky Girl

Distractions

Looking at my stats brought up a few hits on sulky so I wandered off into the web and followed links to the OHRA’s harness racing website that taught me a new term: The device that the jockey sits in, in a harness race is called a Sulky. Who knew?

I loved the site graphics, which reminded me of a cross of John K of Ren and Stimpy fame, and UPA, the 50s/Flintstone style. After looking around a while, I learned even more: how to bet at a track, which always confused me. When I lived in England or when I watch Coronation Street, it was a mysterious lifestyle to see the curtained-off betting shacks with motor mouthed announcements mumbling out of the doorway. Now I know what they were doing in there, which, to my surprise, wasn’t pornographic at all.

The fastest way to learn how to wager was to sign up and play a free game or two on their Flash horse race game, which I realize that it’s like getting digital crack from a virtual dealer: the first one is free, click here now! I chose to be Marco, the bald, cigar-chomping, Italian mobsteresque stereotype and started to bet my free $100 away.

Disclaimer: there’s no actual gambling on the site, it’s just a gateway drug to get you to the race tracks, conveniently listed in the “character’s favorite place” to gamble.

The process is explained step by step and I would like to take a moment to acknowledge the artist here: Sir/Madam, I love your horse design. Especially this one: Propaganda. I felt an immediate attachment and promptly bet $50 on her.

And lost it in seconds.

That’s what I get for betting on looks.

The only downside on the site I have to mention here is that the sections: History, Ask A Question, The actual Flash horse game, Locations, Jockey info and the Member’s Log in (Check out the utterly bizzare Ron and Don at home videos) are all Mystery Meat Navigation: You don’t know what you’re clicking on until you get there. I had to click on each of the “characters” to get to each section which makes for a confusing first visit. But explore. It’s worth a good few moments in your cube.

*apologies to Robert Palmer for the title swipe.