Click to see all the horrid stains!

Good bye couch. You were never really mine, I only came into your life purely by marriage.

I’ll never forget the times I spent sitting on you. From the first time I went over to SharkBoy’s house to watch a movie I knew that I’d be spending a lot of time on you. You know I use to sit not ON you but in front of you as a sneaky way to get close to SharkBoy when he had a lot of people over for movie nights.

One time, during a viewing of Lord of the Rings, while sitting on you, dear couch, I turned to SharkBoy and said “You know how they made the waterfall effect in this movie?”

“No,” SharkBoy says.

“Chickens,” I dead pan.

We laughed for ours, couch. Remember?

We also played a ton of video games, couch. You held my ass down while I went through Infamous, Infamous 2, Bioshock, Bioshock 2, all the Gods of War, Mario on Karts, in Galaxies, and the odd Red Ring of Deaths, a couple Fallouts and lots of Vice. Vice City. In fact I spent the last hour on you playing a video game. Pretty fitting.

You were comfortable up until the last year when your stuffing shifted and you would make my hip hurt after an hour of watching TV. Time to go.

So thank you couch for bringing me much fun with the man I love.