Sassy and Auggie are restless. All through pre-dinner oos and aahs, they would twist in my brother’s arms and gurgle and poop. Much like any 5 week old baby twin girls would do. Funny thought, (to me or any other sci fi geek, anyway): tiny infants cry a lot like the chest bursting Alien. Shrill, sharp air across munchkin sized fresh vocal chords. Eeeerrrriiieeeeeah!
I digress.
My brother Dan, his husband, Mark and SharkBoy and I have been invited over for a small dinner at my other brother, Mike and Morwyn’s house. Because Dan and Mark have to go back to England in a couple days we probably all won’t be in the same room again like this for a long time, so despite all of us being bone dead tired (Mike and Morwyn especially – twins!) we gather.
I can’t explain the fatigue I’m feeling while nursing a beer on my brother’s couch. Work wasn’t so much a drain, as it was a challenge. One manager came to my cube and wasn’t aware of my father’s passing. He cheerfully asked if my “time away” was fun, assuming I was on holiday. I didn’t bother correcting him. The owner of the company stuck his head over my cube wall and offered bizarre condolences that only he could offer. By the end of the day I had explained and retold a family-guarded version of the last week’s events to about a half dozen people.
The girls are fussing. They’re up, they’re down, they’re crying, they’re quiet. Dan has Sassy in his arms and is successfully, slowly getting her quieted down. Auggie is another matter, she’s found her voice. Mike and Morwyn are snatching food between baby yelps. The conversation becomes pointed:
Mike: (while walking around, shifting baby in arm to shoulder to arm) This is kind of funny…
Auggie: Reeeeearrrrrh!
Morwyn: Almost ironic… (she’s huffing food down so she can get back to being a mom)
Sassy: eeeeemmf.
Mike: Yeah because here they are being all loud and stuff…
Auggie: Eeeeh.
Morwyn: …And we were hoping to ask you to be their godparents.
I sit in stunned silence. I look at Dan across the table. He’s smiling. I look at SharkBoy and he’s got the exact look on his face as I do.
Wut?
Morwyn: What do you think, SharkBoy? Is this something…?
Auggie: eeEEEEeee!
We just sat there. We didn’t look at each other. Someone expresses their desire for you to be the responsible guardian of their children in case of something awful happening and we just sat there.
I learn later that SharkBoy thought my brother and sister in law were addressing Dan and I. Hence the lack of reaction. When he realized they were including him, he was stunned.
My excuse was that I had just gone through a week of crying. There was nothing left in the well. Not even for tears of joy. There was nothing I could muster to show my appreciation, my joy. I just sat there. We both did. To Mike and Morwyn I am sure it looked like we were hedging on the question.
DeadRobot: (pause) I. Say… Yes.
SharkBoy: Yes!
We’re sharing duties with Morwyn’s sister, who arrived later and when told, had a much more animated reaction (tears, hugs, peals of laughter, etc). I saw this and thought instantly, Oh crap, we didn’t express any kind of joy…!
In the cab home, SharkBoy voices what I’m thinking: “I’m really touched. But I just couldn’t get excited when I realized they were talking to me! Not that I don’t want to do it, it’s just a bomb after a week of emotional carpet bombing.”
“Don’t feel guilty. I’m sure they understand.”
Later, in bed, we talk about bringing the girls to DisneyWorld. I fall asleep in mid-sentence.
10 thoughts on “Fairly Odd Parents”
I just read this today! I say, congratulations! I know Erin and I thought long and hard before we decided who to ask to fill this important role in our kids’ lives. They’re not just asking for backup — at least, I don’t think. It’s often an invitation to play an active role in their lives.
Which brings me to my next point: will you be our kids’ godparents?
this is a terrible revelation and i strongly recommend you reconsider.
children this young are clearly facehuggers, not chestbursters.
Oh, you guys would have a blast introducing them to the rituals of worshiping at the Disney altar! Congratulations! You two are the best choice of all the sibs. I mean it. Love you lots!
All you guys stepped up to the plate and did an outstanding job last week.
This will be a cake walk or a diaper change or both…
I’m a godfather to my nephew and went through the same reactions — “does this mean I have to promise to raise him a certain way?” Then I realized my brother and sister-in-law aren’t really religious either. I went to the church for his baptism and promised those things to the priest and witnesses, but when they secretly on they side asked me to be D’s legal guardian should anything happen to them (which now extends to my second nephew as well), I was even more touched. I think often, the two go hand in hand… and it was a beautiful moment, because in effect, this person is saying that they approve of the way you conduct yourself in your own life, and would trust you to raise their children if they could not do it themselves. Its kind of profound… and I think, given your week, it will sink in over time. Congrats!
Those two kids would be the uber-geekiest kids alive. I can just imagine all the tech toys they’d have. But be spoiled rotten with love. Hope it never happens… but it’s fun thinking about it. They’d probably have to battle you two for the best seats on the rides at Disney.
(Can you tell I don’t trust anyone in my family?)
“I am sure some legal document could be written up but with a room full of witnesses none would contest it, and that, my internet friend, is saving a ton of money on lawyers.”
As long as there are no family members to come out of the woodwork some day if (god forbid) this should become a reality. All you need is one person to fight it (“Look at the bar he used to work at! He’s unfit!”) and you’ll be spending 10x what you’d spend to have a simple document drawn up today. If you’re absolutely sure you can trust all family members 100% for the rest of your life, then you’re ok. You’re also very fortunate.
I am generally not a fan of giving money to lawyers but a small fee today can really save your ass down the road. As a parent, I think putting as many legal safeguards in place ASAP is a very smart thing to do. And as much as I hate to say it (and please don’t for one second think I feel this way myself), I think it’s doubly important for a gay couple to do it, given the prejudice that exists as far as gay couples adopting. I know Canada is a bit more liberal than the US when it comes to that, and perhaps with your marriage and/or adoption laws that would not be an issue, but personally I’d want the legal peace of mind drawn up ahead of time.
Sorry to be so serious about this. It’s the breeder in me, I guess.
Again, I hope that you are fortunate to have the type of extended family where this would never be an argument, and that life works in such a way that it will never even be an issue. You just never know.
And I’m totally going to steal that laundry comment when we ask come new friends to be our backup guardian.
Here in Canada it is a religious thing that barely carries any legal ramifications, but despite any of us in the room being overtly religious, the suggestion has meaning behind it. I am sure some legal document could be written up but with a room full of witnesses none would contest it, and that, my internet friend, is saving a ton of money on lawyers. My brother is smart!
In a silly moment to myself in the shower this morning, I thought “Well, god forbid, in about 8 years I now have two people to do my laundry!”
No. Not really.
Not to burst your bubble, and perhaps it’s different in Canada, but “Godparent” isn’t a legal thing, just a religious thing. It’s now your job to assure the kids grow up with a proper religious upbringing. So if your brother fails to get the kids baptized you’re supposed to kidnap them and do a secret baptism, Ned Flanders style. Or something. Just teach them about Jesus now and then.
That said, some folks use “godparent” to mean “Care for my kids if something should happen to us” but that’s something a lawyer will have to write up.
Since my backup to the backup guardian for my son are now divorced, meaning they’re bad people who can’t possibly care for a child, I might just pencil you and Sharkboy in as backup guardians. So if my wife and I, and her sister and her husband, should all die, expect a large Fed-ex package within a few days. Just feed him a daily hot dog and get him some Legos and he probably won’t even notice the change.