I’m baffled at how this guy keeps on churning out unwatchable crap yet still manages to wrangle in millions of dollars. Oh wait yes I do know how he does it: he makes stupid movies for stupid people.

We finally got around to watching Transformers 2 this evening and I can tell you I will never watch any movie that has his directorial or producing involvement ever again. This steaming pile of 2h30m dogshit was homophobic, militaristic, misogynistic, racist, pandering and exactly like the first movie, except for more stupid things thrown in just because they could.

If you paid money to see this in the theatre and walked out feeling anything other than outrage, then you are a fucktard.

Let me repeat that:

If you paid money to see this in the theatre and walked out feeling anything other than outrage, then you are a fucktard.

So here’s how I want Michael Bay to ultimately stop making movies:

It’s a hot summer night in L.A. when LAPD get a 911 call to a home in the Hills. Upon entering the home of one M. Bay they find the occupant with his pants down around his ankles and his head stuffed inside a jury rigged microwave that is still running while the door is open. There is a 24″ double ended dildo coming out of Mr Bay’s ass (very little lube). Many SpongeBob Squarepants boo boo band aids cover his bare legs. In Mr Bay’s left hand is a copy of his next script from Hasbro: “Rainbow Brite: Time to Bring the Rain” (in pre-production and talks with the US Navy are close finalized to shooting on the deck of the USS Enterprise) and in his right is a shitload of kiddie porn. His hair is a mess. When the police try to extradite him from the oven, he starts to fuckingyellatthem in such a spew of grievance that the cops are stunned. But then go to work trying to subdue him with tasers and pepper spray.

He goes down yelling “FUCKTHAT’SWHATITFEELSLIKE! OW! MOTHERFUCKER!!!”

TMZ.com then jumps all over this story backed up with cell phone video from a present cop.

Good bye Michael Bay. May you fuck off in hell.