Last night, while walking back from the grocery store, SharkBoy was about 4 steps ahead of me and I was overcome to do something to his ice cream (come on, he made ME carry it home and I can’t have any of it!). I quickly ripped off the top and looked down at the pure ecru tub of sugary goodness. I must act fast! What to do? Plant my face into it a la Mrs Doubtfire? Well, close…

I stuck my face/teeth into it and dragged my upper jaw across the top and scooped out a healthy chunk. Lid back on, wipe my face, act natural. Smile!

We get back into the apartment and I put down the tub. I put away the rest of the food and innocently ask “Are you going to have some ice cream during Dexter?”

“ICE CREAM!” he shouts and pulls off the top.

He stops.

He does a double take at the gaping hole.

He goes white when he realizes the hole is actually a bite mark.

I’m dying. Using my best Team America ACTING I say “Holy shit! Those are teeth marks!!”

I think he’s going to throw up. He drops his ice cream scoop and stomps towards the door. I think he’s going to go get a gun and go Michael Douglas Falling Down on the shitty grocery store so I stop him and tell him I did it, relax.

He was actually going to go get his camera to blog about it.