My last doctor appointment revealed that if I didn’t get the weight down, I’d be taking metamorphin or melaminemorphine or Metformin to block the sugars in my blood. Before I go any further, I’ll just say that was nearly 30lbs ago and I’m doing fine, according to my diligent monitoring. However, I’ve been using the old glucose monitor I got from the Woman’s College a few years back. A week ago, I ran out of test strips – the little plastic blood drinking strips that suck up blood into the vampyric monitor. No problem! I’ll just go to my pharmacist and order some – which come 100 in a box. At nearly $1/per strip. Holy what the foosh mother fooshing what?

After some choppy communication, I got it covered by my insurance electronically, via my doctor and some faxes back and forth. After the paperwork, my pharmacist brings over a huge bag with not only the test strips I need, but a huge, ugly, “new” monitor – basically the old one with more colours on the faceplate.

“Uhm. If I have to get a new monitor, can I get that one?” (Warning: loud Flash site, but you need to experience it to be cool). It’s a smooth, pebble like black puck with only three buttons and a huge backlit display. Apple design sensibility trickles down into the field of healthcare. Actually it’s more like a Sony MP3 player but you get the picture: it’s so sexy you want to pour baby oil all over it and do things to it.

“Oh that one?” my pharmacist says, “Yeah, it’s kinda cool, eh?”

SharkBoy perks up. “Why the hell do you need to have the coolest gadgets all the time?”

“Dude, if I have to do this shit daily, I’m going to fucking rock it!”