The Secret (For CB)

Personal Bits

Lean in close, cb. Here is the secret to my 20lbs in two months! Ready?

  • Eat vegetables.
  • Go to the gym 4 times a week and while you are there, do at least an hour of cardio.
  • Go out and get yourself a book about nutrition. Not a fad diet book, but a serious book about how to eat right
  • Have your doctor tell you you’re going to lose a foot to Diabetes if you don’t change your lazy fuck ways. Have him threaten one last chance to change or be medicated for the rest of your life.
  • Watch as the guy who runs the laundromat near your house suddenly re-appears after a few weeks disappearance, with a leg missing.
  • Go swimsuit shopping in the most snooty gay store in the village. Try on something “outside your box”. Give yourself a full 60 seconds in the mirror while the precious shop queen troll is yelling “Is everything alright in there?!” on the other side of the curtain, for the entire shop to hear.
  • Look at the photos of the blogs of the guys you’ll be meeting at Gay Days at Disney
  • Watch in horror as someone cruises your husband as you walk together down the street, like an Italian construction worker walking the Red Light District in Amsterdam, and gives you the briefest of acknowledgment. Hello! Wedding bands!

In all seriousness, you have to motivate yourself. Tough love works on me sometimes. However, I’ve seen pics of you and I think you’re not overweight. I hear the internet removes 10lbs though.

3 thoughts on “The Secret (For CB)”

  1. Dead Robot

    Time to shock the system! Get a personal trainer or start writing down everything you’re eating. I’m no pro, but I did hang out with an Olympic hopeful in the late 90s. But he did pressure me into steroid use so take that as a grain of salt.

    I just know stopping the junk food and really trying to make the effort to watch what I’m eating is working for me.

    And take it from me, you will never find your husband or anything long lasting (than a few hours) in the bars. Slim chance but the odds aren’t that good. Have you thought of Gay “anti-social” clubs like “The Prime Timers”?

  3. cb

    I eat a low carb diet filled with salad, tuna, chicken, nuts, etc. Occasional yogurt. I work out 5-6 days a week with usually 45 minutes of cardio. Plus I do weight lifting. I drink water and some diet soda. I don’t drink alcohol. And taking off lbs is like pulling teeth.

    And my “come to Jesus” is when I go to a gay bar on bear night and nobody will even look at me. Or talk to me.

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