I’m on the eliptical machine at the Y this morning (need to get a Disney water park body!) and I’m grooving along with my iPhone when suddenly a rather handsome man jumps on the machine beside me. He’s got a real interesting DryFit long sleeve shirt on (one arm is white while the rest is a deep navy blue, kind of Star Trekish) and has a rugby-footballer build, complete with scruff and goatee. He’s the kind of guy I’d play Hide The Penis with… Okay, lets keep it clean, you get the idea.
Before you comment, I’ll just say “I’m married. Not dead.”
After a few surreptitious glances over at him the smell hits me. The smell of socks wrapped in cheese, deep fried in human fat with a coating of hair with a side salad of durian husks and cat urine dressing. As he works out harder, the smell gets stronger.
I start to breathe through my mouth. God help me, I can now taste it. I begin to wonder if he knows he smells so bad. I’m pretty sure that since he bought that vanity shirt for working out, he knows he looks good. Then I think maybe the stench is his protection from guys/girls/Michael Jackson (sans nose) hitting on him. It certainly was putting me off.
I finished my workout and hit the showers. As I dressed I huffed a big drag on my gym bag to see if I was hypnotized by my own stink. Far as I can tell, I smell like Cheetos and lost youth.
7 thoughts on “Scent of a Whoa, Man!”
The only thing worse is when you are on the elliptical and suddenly catch a whiff of Day old tuna salad left on a hot car seat. And you know it’s one of the hefty ladies next to you.
My gym bag smells like neglect. I really need to start working out more.
I had a gym bag that smelled like ham, once. I think I ate it.
You smell like lost youth? I love that scent! Mind if I hang around and sniff you at inappropriate moments?
I miss Membership Plus. I’m also wondering if I’d do this guy if a) he was downwind from me; b) I had one of those extend-a-handle thingys (thereby avoiding touching him, but still enjoying the view).
I think it was “coating of hair” that made me gag the most.
But then the mention of Cheetos made me hungry. I fuckin love Cheetos.
I guess you’re not into mansmells hehehe. I guess he’s not a great candidate to play hide the penis with, unless the gets a thorough spraying of lysoform.