That’s right! I’m penning the script for the live action version of this runaway hit! Here’s the synopsis:

The movie opens with dawn over LA. A typical LA family are rising and having breakfast when suddenly, on the TV behind them, a news flash. A prominent scientist (played by Daniel Craig) has irrefutable proof that the big earthquake is going to finally come to California. He has graphs. The reason for this impending disaster?

The TV screen goes fuzzy and suddenly (with some great cinéma vérité hand-held video effects) we see a human over 110 stories tall, walking carelessly across Hollywood and Vine. He’s clad in tights, cape and has his head stuck in a brightly coloured tube, lengthwise, so his face sticks out the side. He is, the scientist tells us, The King Of Cosmos (played by Christopher Walken). Behind him, equally large, is his queen, in a light blue gown and similar head gear (Gwenneth Paltrow). They’re making a mess of things. Crap everywhere. Buildings are coming down and as they do, people’s everyday items fall to earth like rain (great anti-consumerism visuals here, in keeping with Disney’s Wall•E/BuyNLarge meme). The King of Cosmos isn’t too concerned with the damage he’s reaping, but he certainly is enamoured.

Sample Dialogue:

King of Cosmos: These. Things. They’re all. Over this. Place.
Queen: Oh do be careful!
KoC: I’m trying honey! This world certainly is. Full. Of things.

LA, San Francisco and Seattle are devastated. The King of Cosmos shows little remorse as he sits on the Rockies to rest from his careless rampage. Long shot of a single white crane flying high, higher, highest up to the face of the King. He sees the beauty of this bird and decides to put things right. Off into space he flies and on a distant world, commands his son, The Prince (played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse) to roll up the damage on earth, but doesn’t reveal he’s the culprit for such destruction. He entrusts The Prince with The Katamari Damancy, a powerful ball of cosmos dust that can set right anything it touches (I figure at this point the whole “pick things up as you roll” angle is pretty stupid for a movie and should be cut).

That’s as far as I got. I know there’s potential for character development (he befriends a slovenly slacker played by Tobey McGuire), blazingly amazingly great CGI and some great comedy bits too! Oh and a montage.

Sample Dialogue:

The Prince: My god! What whackjob did this?
Random Person (Played by George Lopez): (over EMT vehicles and general carnage sounds) Your dad!
The Prince: Yes. That’s right. I AM “rad”! Thank you!
Random Person: No you dick! YOUR DAD!
The Prince: My Dad is rad!

So Hollywood. Let’s do lunch!