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Oh Indy…

(Spoilers ahead. You’ve been warned!)

I know that the Indy movies are all based on serial installments from the early days of film. I know that they’re emulating a forced, melodramatic style of acting. I know the Indy stories themselves are over the top and require a degree of suspension of disbelief, but the Crystal Skulls were… cracked.

I was loving where the movie started. Right back to the roots. The infamous warehouse (replete with a longing look at the Ark of the Covenant). Good one George/Steven! But the countdown clock for the rocket sled used LED lights made me think: “Waitaminnit! The US only started to develop LEDs in 1961, let alone have the technology to use them for numeric displays at secret military bases!” Okay okay… breathe. From there on, I started to suspect everything shoveled at me: Like how many fridges from the 50s were proudly labeled “Lead Lined”? Or dragging a motorcycle along with you to a South American adventure for two completely unnecessary establishing shots. The suspension of disbelief had been cut and I was left dangling.

I also thought we had to swallow the alien storyline way too soon. X Files The Movie had us questioning our beliefs better. With the previous Indys, we had a sense of mysticism that kept us just one step behind the mystery. A step behind the solution. With the alien plot, all bets are off. Lasers could have flown out of Indy’s whip and it could be too easily been explained by “alien tech!” Too easy and no payoff. With “Doom” or “Crusade” the mystery was faith-based and for some part, so it was for “Crystal Skull”, but there was no dual alternative explanation. The killer ants avoid the skull. The skull is magnetic to non-magnetic materials. The skull can control minds. Why? Alien technology!

I have to admit at this point that I’m getting alien CGI burnout after seeing it repeated over and over from Spielberg’s other speculative offerings (A.I., Taken, Close Encounters, Amazing Stories etc). What’s next? Shindler’s Schwa?

It was heavy on the action and light on the goofball comedy, which seems like the Star Trek Curse: odd number Treks suck, so I guess even number Indys aren’t as funny and are action heavy. In all, I did enjoy it, but the core was a bit shaky.

I give it four fedoras out of five.