Laundry 911

Toronto

Law and Order DUH DUUNNN! noise
Cabbagetown Laundromat, Saturday 10:15am

I’m doing my laundry see? Well, just watching the last of it drying, thanking the robot god that I’m almost done now that the laundromat is filling up and this well dressed chap in a sporty cap comes in and puts his laundry into the last three machines. Checks his pockets, he’s got no quarters and so he leaves to go next door because the attendant isn’t here and the sign says to go next door to the dry cleaner, see? And he’s gone maybe 3-4 minutes. Then, this large, squat woman with a cart full to her sagging tits comes in and starts yelling loudly about who is in what machine and then spies the three unattended machines. She yells out “Who’s are these?” and nobody claims them. But this small guy bravely says “I think he’s gone to get change…”

“I DON’T FUCKING CARE!” she yells like she’s Bush and the unattended machines are Iraq! Out comes his laundry.

In comes the guy!

He says he was just away a moment, she says tough, buddy and he says Oh don’t worry you’ll never be my buddy you fucking goof.

At this point I had to haul one of my loads home. I wanted to stay and hear the rest but from what I gathered, the small guy freed up a machine while I was gone and the put-out guy started to load his laundry into that. And from conversation I heard from the girl washing those satin duvets, he called her a dyke and for that, the squat gal needed to go next door and call 911. If you ask me, the put out guy looked a little fruity himself, so I don’t know where the hate crime comes in.

CopsOkay at this point I came back to grab the rest of my laundry and the squat woman is in the dry cleaners yelling at the top of her lungs for them to call 911. The put out guy is standing outside the laundromat, shaking his head in disbelief.

I go back in and about 10 minutes later, the cops arrive. Three cars. Three. Cars. For a laundry dispute.

Yeah you can get my name.

Duh Duuun!

8 thoughts on “Laundry 911

  1. snotty

    Where I live, some red-neck washed his work clothes at a laundromat-in kerosene as they were covered with grease. When he put them in the dryer, well it all heated up and ka-boom. The police said if the place hadn’t been empty when it blew, people would have been killed.

  2. Phronk

    I think some people need to study up on what police are there for. I.e., not dealing with peoples’ inability to interact with other people.

  3. andrew

    you should have stuck around and told the cops they had come into the laundromat together and you heard them have a quiet disagreement about their international child-porn ring and discount handgun outlet mall.

  4. Dead Robot

    During the summer, just a few yards away from where this picture was taken, a guy was pistol whipped, dragged into a stolen SUV and driven to a bank machine to empty his account. I think they’re a bit sensitive to the needs of this community.

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