SharkBoy and I were invited to an Xmas party in a downtown condo last week. I won’t say who’s or where, ’cause I’m not a name dropper, but I do have to mention two things about the unit.

Situated on the 30th floor, this two-storey penthouse faced south and west. It was the kind of home with beautiful furnishings that makes you not notice the fact that you’re in a potentially pretentious condo. Subtle good taste. At one point, after the cater-waiter filled my glass the third time, I noticed the three hanging lamps over the kitchen island swaying simultaneously, slowly. I turned and noticed the crystal chandelier doing the same. I asked the owner if this was a regular occurrence. “Only with winds over 50kph,” he answered. Freaky.

Later that night, I wandered down onto the “bedroom floor” (two bedrooms, one den/office, three bathrooms) and had a look around. When I hit the master bath, I had what can only be called “an emotional reaction” to the loo. It was about 30 ft x 12 ft with three sinks, I think. I don’t recall because as I walked in, your eye immediately goes to the end of the long room to the shower.

The shower. God. It was about 10x12ft glass encased, exquisitely tiled room. Two walls were just that: Glass room divider separated the no-step into the shower area from the sink/potty zone. The opposite wall was floor to ceiling glass overlooking the gay village from the 30th floor. No tinting, no curtains. Glass. Anyone could, with a powerful enough binoc/telescope could watch you soap your butt. And wash you could: 7 shower heads (two sets of 3 vertical spigots up either side of the taps, one rapper-hubcap-sized rain spout set into the ceiling) blasted you from many directions. Joan Crawford wept.

I stood in the shower and pressed my forehead against the glass and looked down. Sheer down the side of the building. I was too stunned at this marvel to be scared. I wanted to dump hot cheese on myself from the buffet upstairs to have an excuse to get naked and take a shower.

I later had a dream about that shower. I’ve become obsessed.