…my brother yelled at me for eating all the cheese and mayonnaise in the apartment.
…my sister caught me ripping the head off one of her Barbies.
…I peed myself where I sat because I didn’t want to haul myself over to the bathroom. I had a broken leg.
…I told someone I didn’t actually like them that way and three days later, I got a letter in the mail, torn up, chock full of laughably hateful comments about my person.
…I told someone I liked them that way and he ran like a Japanese bullet train to Osaka.
…I handled my brother’s coveted KISS ARMY album by the grooves and not the label, and then played it fast, slow and backwards, just because he was a jerk to me.
…I was accosted by one of my other brother’s ex-flings because I was his brother. (chew on that a moment)
…I barfed so violently while I was on the stairs on the way to the bathroom, that it shot out between my fingers and painted the walls like a Jackson Pollock painting.
…I told a boyfriend that the crabs I got was from sleeping at his best friend’s house.
11 thoughts on “One time…”
Today someone actually said, without a hint of good ol’ Toronto irony:
“Colder than a well-digger’s ass…”
I AM NOT in Kansas anymore…I miss good coffee at the Common on College and (weird) the Saturday Globe.
One time… in fact it was just an hour ago, coming back from the gym, we stopped at Tim Hortons for a coffee/bagel combo. I didn’t want to walk and try to eat bagle while holding coffee, so we compromised and sat at the counter by the window and do some “people watching”. There are 8 chairs, only one person sitting at one end… not bad at all considering the line up of 15 people long. We choose the other end of the counter and start eating…woman #1 keep sniffling to the point that I want/need to find her a kleenex, it’s that loud and annoying… All of a sudden, these seats which remained empty the entire time we waited in line to order and for the first few bites are the most wanted seats in the city and I can’t stand people standing that close to me that were not invited to share my personal space, so I’m panicking, they’re almost touching me, breathing on me, all the while, sniffly is still going at it, Taxi driver #2 beside Ted starts chewing with his mouth open. I only have a few more bites and I’ll be able to escape… and then it happens, she decides to finally blow her nose… I swear I thought the trumpet section of the Toronto Symphony Orchestra had just walked in to practise…
We were out of there seconds after…
Usually it’s the bad TH service I run out the door for, today it was actually ok, didn’t have to repeat, she didn’t ask if I wanted the tea bag in or out (why the hell would I want the tea bag out!!!), she didn’t flinch when I asked for milk instead of cream for the coffee, she was fast… but man, the early sunday morning crowd at Jarvis/Carlton can be scary…
One time, the morning after the big blackout of August 2003 started, I drove my “boyfriend at the time” to the airport so he could go on vacation with his best friend, therefore, giving ME a week vacation by myself in the house. At the airport, we found out that his flight was cancelled due to the blackout and we had to call a specific number to rebook him, they suggested we didn’t wait at the airport, we got back home and luckily had power at our place, so he tried and couldn’t get through to a live person… I pushed him out of the way, managed to speak to someone fairly quickly and without taking any chances booked him on 2 different flights to that destination… In those 40 minutes, he decided that he “needed” a swim and left the house, we didn’t have a pool, so I knew he had gone to Club Bath to “use” the pool… I waited a couple of hours, then when he wasn’t back, drove to the bathouse, and went in, probably looking like a jealous boyfriend looking for his… the fact is I wasn’t jealous, I wanted MY week vacation… So I asked them to page him, which they didn’t, asked if I could walk in to look for him, which they refused, then I asked if someone could just walk to the pool and ask for his name… Turns out he had left… I found him on the way home, got him in the truck (I had already taken care of putting his luggage in) and drove so fast to the airport the tires didn’t touch the ashphalt.
At the airport, I took over at the counter, the first flight was cancelled but since I had booked him on a second one, I asked them to check and it was scheduled to go, I thanked the nice lady, kissed my “boyfriend at the time” goodbye and drove back to enjoy the rest of the blackout… with my best friend.
I can’t pee if I know someone is in the same room let alone some one in a bathtub.
ICK!
and BTW….
Why were you sleeping at your boyfriend’s best friend’s house???
Gawd, and those disgusting bathtubs – and the people who lay in them – what P I G S.
I personally never got into the tub – the scene maybe but never the tub.
None of your stories took place at band camp.
“uhhh…no, it was a van full of dudes”
On their way to the Black Eagle yellow hankie social?
Uhg… I hate suburban kids in their parent’s cars.
uhhh…no, it was a van full of dudes. i got the impression someone’s parents were out of town
WTF? Who would be walking around with that much urine, not inside their body?
…or was it?
…while riding my bike someone threw a big gulp cup worth of pee on me