Hey kids! Shelly here!

So Blamb thought Superman Returns was too long. I wonder if he’s sat through POTC-DMC yet. Shiver me timbers, you could have lopped off 45 minutes of this waterlogged, barnacle encrusted clam and still had a halfway decent movie (don’t expect a pearl inside though, just irritated muscle – my ass from sitting so long). The trend this year seems to be “keep ’em in their seats!” as Hollywood seems to over-compensate for a few years of digital movies devoid of story. Be prepared to be borded by confusion as you try to remember plot points from the last movie a couple years back as instances and characters are shoved out on the plank and pushed over into the sea. Yeah I missed some bits.

Depp doesn’t dissapoint. He does grate on you a bit after a while, but he doesn’t waiver from his lurchy antics. Yeah. I know, I know for Neptune’s sake. HE’S CHANNELING KEITH RICHARDS. Got it.

The rest were… Oh why bother? This movie supposively was the top grossing opening weekend movie ever. What can I say to take that back?

2 out of 5 shells kids. Let this one pass you by like a ship in the night.