So far my improv comedy classes at The Bad Dog have been going amazingly well. When I do a scene, I kill. I accept and offer, keeping the scene flowing. I try not to block physically or verbally. I am getting compliments on my character work. At one point last week, the instructor asked for two people to go up for a scene and I jumped up simultaneously with a veteran actor and she quietly uttered “oh good” when she saw we’d be up together. Little things that make me smile.

But last night, I discovered my improv nemesis. An aspect of improv so heinous to me that I am up against a mental block wall when I get on that stage. An improv vehicle so devastating to my confidence, I shove other weaker players into it’s gaping maw to avoid getting devoured by the moster that is miserable onstage failure. They call it “dying” in the biz. I don’t just die when I do this kind of improv. I take hostages, demand outrageous unobtainable things and then wind up falling on my sword, my comedy entrails stinking up the theatre.

Musical Improv comedy is the scourge of live theatre.

Musical Improv reduces me to a mumbly, stumbling stuttering lump. I am unable to make the simplest of rhyme or keep to a metred time. Conscequently my ability to keep the story on track resembles an epileptic on a Segway. At best I stammer about UPS drivers schtupping my wife while either of my eyes try to focus on two different points in space. I wind up shouting out meaningless tripe that sidetracks the story, blocks offers and makes me rip off my shirt and tweak out back hair in a vain attempt to rescue any kind of comedy left in the scene.

I don’t know why I fail so miserably. I think I try too hard and wind up forcing out too many ideas at once. The next morning I was singing with confidence in the shower, my usual Lithuanian Steamer lyrics inserted into pop songs. It’s not that I’m afraid of my singing voice. God knows others should be, but I’m confident that I can keep a note. Or tune.

I guess I’m just flummoxed that I have an area in improv that I need improvement.

Lots of improvement.