The last week I have been waking up at 5:30am every morning without fail. I will sit there in the dark and wonder what woke me. Is it because of the new, unfamiliar apartment? No, I’ve slept a couple nights at Sharkboy’s and still woke at the same time. Are aliens abducting me and probing me at the same time every morning? I checked my PJs. No.

Then I read that I might be a mutant (from BoingBoing). How creepy to have this defect. I suspect Sharkboy and Swollen Uvula both have this mutant gene as that their sleep patterns are certainly not like your average “sleep from 11pm to 7am” kind of person. Sharkboy is in bed by 10pm every night (except the odd weekend) which I find super early, and he rises just after 6am without the need of an alarm. Meanwhile, Swollen could be in bed by 3am and up by 7am, then the next night he would be asleep by 11pm and up by 5am… you get the drift. Wildly erratic, without being grumpy (I love that excuse for being grumpy: not enough sleep. It’s so childish and I use it at work all the time).

I once stopped dating a really great guy because of his sleep apnea. I would lie awake making sure he was ok, nudging him every time he took longer than a second to breathe in. My biggest fear is waking up beside a dead body.

I find that I dont have a “regular” bed time either, due to the internet and time-shifting on my digital cable box. And IFC channel. And my PS2. Distractions of the flesh, really.