The Mailman, Sharkboy and I emerge from Sears into Dundas Square, cultural centre of Toronto, smack dab into some ice sculpture contest, sponsored by some culturally sympathetic corporation. The crowds are tremendous and aggressive as free events in the downtown core of Toronto usually are.

“Watch this,” Sharkboy says. He pushes through the crowd up to the first sculpture’s barracade. A 6 ft ice statue of a human figure is melting nicely behind the fence, its arms stretched out in icy brotherly love. People are straining to see over our shoulders as The Mailman and I jockey in behind Sharkboy.

Long pause. No expression. “I dont get it,” Sharkboy says loudly and turns from the statue. People look at him as he leaves as if he’s mad. Its an ice sculpture of a man!

Sculpture #2 is a mermaid, suitable for any wedding table centrepiece. “I dont get it,” he says louder and pushes past.

“It’s the Littlest Mermaid. I think I see the Disney Store sign back there,” I loudly join in. The Mailman is stunned and is trying to avoid us as we jockey to the next booth. In his horror to get away from our shenanigans, he stomps on a woman’s foot.

At the next booth a big wind god head with flowing mane and pursed lips sits atop an icy arch as it oversees a vignette of some sea expedition…or tragedy. Viewing ice sculptures during the day without the lights behind them sort of makes them flat and unreadable. The sign proclaims this booth was sponsored by “T-One” (or it was the title of the sculpture, we never figured that one out). “T-one? Tone? Trone?” Sharkboy muses loudly.

“Tron!” I offer. “This one HAS to be sponsored by Disney!”

A shortish woman in front of me turns and says “What is that one?”

“Tron,” I say without missing a beat.

“Ah. I thought so.” And she’s gone.